Then I hear The voice whispering in my ear, "you don't know your own strength either, my girl...".
Seriously, the Holy Spirit dropped a prophetic grenade in my head in the 4th quarter. I chuckled out loud and self deprecation kicked in immediately. Right now, I'm not feeling all that strong. It has been a trying week, there are strongholds in my life that are coming down and in the process, I feel incredibly weakened by it all. God, I feel like a disappointment to you right now. Do I need to tell you how much chagrin I experienced when I realized exactly what the implications of trying to tell God about myself hit? He knows me. Knit me together and such. Yet, here I am trying to explain that He's mistaken. Funny how when your unbridled emotions and waning self-esteem collide, the end result is pleading your mediocrity with the very Creator of the universe. It is true, that I find myself kinda bland, but He doesn't see me that way. Am I trying to talk God out of me? Not the brightest thing I do and admittedly, I do it with alarming frequency. In fact, when was the last time I gazed into the mirror and told myself things like, "you're gorgeous and brave and you will walk out of this door and bless the socks off some unsuspecting soul!". How about never. I've never talked to myself that way. I tend to run more in the, "I'm frizzy and jiggly made" circles, not necessarily the "fearfully and wonderfully made" ones. How is it that God's unbeatable daughters defeat themselves so readily? How do we collectively breathe out such dissatisfied sighs without a second thought and put so much importance in earthly matters?
God showed me something through a fourth grade football player though. That play above; the big, strong, fast kid was playing offense. We spend too much time on the defense. By defending ourselves from criticisms from a world full of unloving, bitter people, we place ourselves on the side that doesn't have the ball. I simply cannot find it in the Bible anywhere that reads; "conform, sell out, spend all of your money and time trying to impress people and then when you realize you cannot, come at it from another direction...". Somehow, we have put ourselves on the wrong side of the ball and forgotten the score. God's unbeatable daughters need to learn to play a more strategic offense! We already have the victory, at this point we are just making plays and running up the scoreboard for the Kingdom, yet we are still concerned with how we look when we're running. Just run the ball!! Here's your play:
"Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out; you formed me in my mother's womb. I thank you God-You're breathtaking! Body and soul, I am marvelously made! I worship in adoration-what a creation! You know me inside and out, you know every bone in my body; you know exactly how I was made, bit by bit, how I was sculpted from nothing into something. Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth; all the stages of my life were spread before you, the days of my life all prepared before I'd ever lived one day. Your thoughts-how rare, how beautiful God, I'll never comprehend them-any more than I could count the sand of the sea. Oh, let me rise in the morning and live always with you!" Psalm 139:13-22
The thought that God had His eyes, hands, thoughts and plans all over me before I was ever birthed into this world is one that lends to taking back all of that self deprecation up there and drives me towards repentance. Imagine, at a place and time unknown, He was already gazing lovingly upon the creation of you before He ever put you into motion. All the stages (even that incredibly awkward junior high stage) were spread before Him and He loved us even with waterfall bangs and too much eyeliner. Ok, maybe that was just me, but somehow I doubt it. See, He's a God that doesn't change with the times or fashion trends and while I personally believe He has gotten a kick over a few trends, (hello, 80's hair bands) God knew me then, now and yet to come. While the world around me is cashing in on how little I think about myself, God is wanting to pour out what I should know about myself. An irrevocable truth; Body and soul, I am marvelously made! Without make-up or flat irons (I shudder to think even as I'm preaching it). Without the newest style of clothing. Before skinny jeans and denim were ever invented, God looked at me and breathed, "She is just right" into existence. Just as He did for you. And now, He's going to rebuild our ancient ruins (read: the torn down us that gave into trends, the ancient act of competition and the ruined us with low self esteem). In fact, it reads just like this:
"I'll give you a full life in the emptiest places-firm muscles, strong bones. You'll be like a well-watered garden, a gurgling spring that never runs dry. You'll use the old rubble of past lives to build anew, rebuild the foundations of your past. You'll be known as those who can fix anything, restore old ruins, rebuild and renovate, make the community livable again." Isaiah 58:9-12
Not sure about you, but I want that full life. There are empty places in me that the media and world have hollowed out. Too many times, I have torn myself down when I tried to build on a faulty foundation; my lack of identity. It is time to use the rubble that was left to build anew and restore, renovate and create a firm foundation for the future generations to build on. Ladies, I know it is tough, but would you want anyone talking to your daughter the way you talk to yourself?
Imagine how our Heavenly Father feels.
This is a time to build a community that is livable again. A place where girls run in the streets not for profit, but because of the freedom Christ gave all for. We can fix anything because He lives in us. Can we renovate our esteem and build it solidly on the truths God spoke about us? I believe we can. I believe we can choose a new garden to water, rather than tend to weeds and thorns of division and that Jesus will walk in it's midst with the joy that comes only of resurrection. We can harvest a beautiful crop with our lives and words, simply be echoing the sentiment spoken over us thousands of years ago; "I am fearfully and wonderfully made" and mean it. God's unbeatable daughters were created for such a time as this. Let's reclaim our beauty and rebuild.
My strength is in helping others find beauty peeking through the ashes of life's ruins. When I run my play, God rebuilds His girls. When I align my strengths with others, a community rebuilds a generation. When a generation is rebuilt, the word "slaves" becomes a minority rather than the majority. Girls can run in freedom with their arms spread, circling back around to Jesus when we reclaim and rebuild. The competition in this world is fueling an insatiable lust for heartbreaking things and until we hold ourselves accountable for what we put into the world, we will never offensively run it out of the world, ladies. If we so easily find our value in how a man sees us, we will never change the way men view us.
Wherever you are, who ever you are, I encourage you to find your strength and run your play. Other people's lives may depend on you not quitting. Know your strength. Run your play.
"I am your shield, your great reward" Genesis 15:18
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