Peter, Paul and Mathetria the Prequel

Its not a secret that I am a bit on the nosy side. Not in a harmful way, at least I hope. I just crave knowledge and information, I think in a very 4-D, hi-def, pixalated kind of way. Some of my favorite memories of my childhood are of the "a-ha!!" moments I had while studying all manners of flora and fauna. I was a bit of wildlife geek as a child and spent hours reading encyclopedias and any Zoobook, National Geographic or Ranger Rick that I could get my hands on. I was an avid dinosaur fossil hunter and still get excited about digging stuff up, even if I've never found the first trilobite. Those predated megabites and are not even remotely related for those of you who have an extra appendage called a smart phone. Anyhow, I can remember the first time I ever raised the eyebrow of a clergy member (it has happened more than once) at the ripe age of 5 years old. My then step-father was Catholic and did his level-headed best of putting up with my unending questions, but there was one burning in me that I just couldn't find an acceptable answer for. I remember weaving my way through adults after Mass one morning until I finally found Father McCall and mustered the courage to yank on his robe. I was met with a puzzled look and was questioned about being lost (so much irony here). The next thing I know, I'm blurting out, "How come the Bible doesn't say anything about dinosaurs, but we have proof that they were here?". Somewhere in the distance I heard my step-dad groan and while I stood there and waited for a response from ol' sourpuss, it never occurred to me that it was "frowned upon" for a young lady to ask such things. Needless to say, my question wasn't answered then or for another 20 years. If you want the answer, I like chewy, oatmeal raisin cookies. Quid Pro Quo, darlins.

Today, I was spending a little time in Bible study (which is met with even more fervor than I ever showed a National Geographic) and was on a quest to understand Paul a little more which lead me back to one of my favorite dudes in the Bible, Peter. The Holy Spirit was leading the way and its no coincidence there, I often find my way back to Peter, he was the first apostle that I had the warm fuzzies for, in all of his earnest impulsiveness, you truly can't help but be proud to have him as a brother in Christ. Haven't ever thought about it that way? If you're a believer, you better! On the off chance that you aren't and you haven't met Peter yet, please do yourself a favor; get a Bible and start at Luke 5 and enjoy where the Gospel takes you, the Holy Spirit will lead you on the adventure of your life! So....where was I? Peter and Paul, formerly Saul. Yeah. I was reading and came across this account in the book of Acts that I remember reading once before, but this time The Holy Spirit drew some parallels that wouldn't have made sense the first time I read it. 

So, Acts 9:36 tells of a woman named Tabitha, in a place called Joppa (a port town in Israel) who was a disciple of Christ, meaning that she was a student of the teachings of Christ (Christianity wasn't established as a word yet and disciple means "student") who spent most of her time tending to the needs of widows and it was known that she "was full of good works and acts of charity". Tabitha died and was laid to rest in an "upper room" as was the custom of the time, it was believed that the body would be closer to God if it was lifted into a room that wasn't on the "Earthly" ground floor. Makes some sense, right? Anyhow, someone in her inner circle decided to send for Peter who was visiting in nearby Lydda. Nearby back them meant a 12 mile walk, just so you know. Upon hearing the news, of course Peter made the trek and found the widows, who Tabitha had so lovingly sewn tunics for, standing around weeping and mourning. Mourning back then included a lot of wailing, sobbing, tearing of clothing and a bunch of carrying on in general. Typically the louder folks wailed for you, the more loved you were. Tabitha was known as a woman of good repute, in fact in the original Greek, she is described as "mathetria" which is translated into "female disciple" and it is the only use of this word in the New Testament. I get the feeling that Tabitha was loved a great deal and the display of mourning was probably quite a racket! So, in an effort to focus on The Holy Spirit, Peter put the widows and other mourners outside and knelt down and prayed (with his back toward the body, it is believed this helped him stay focused on the Holy Trinity) and then turned to the body and said, "Tabitha, arise.". You know what?! She opened her eyes. She took a breath. Tabitha returned from the dead. WHAT?  Peter offers Tabitha a hand and helps her stand and he calls to everyone and shows them that this woman is indeed, alive. Now, what's cool about this, is that in the book of Acts it doesn't get all crazy with needless foreshadowing or dramatic climaxes; quite simply put, the people see she is alive and they believe in Christ. Tabitha was reborn and returned to her community, which is no coincidence either. Because that's how Peter and company rolled. They performed the miracles of Christ, through Christ and in His Holy Name and people accepted our Savior. Why can't people be like that anymore??! Someone can die on an operating table and then come back and everyone celebrates the physicians and it gets turned into a book, followed by a movie and there are still people who can't see that it was God, y'all!! 

Miracles are being performed every day, but in our fleshy little worlds, we just shrug our shoulders and say, "Eh, that was a cool trick.", much to the dismay of our Creator. God isn't some wizard in the sky, God is not an entity that is waiting on our approval of His "tricks" to accept Him! There is no slight of hand with our Sovereign, there is no smoke and mirrors. He is the Great I am and because He loves us, he will perform MIRACLES in our lives that do not require a behind-the-scenes documentary to be recognized. What they require is your acknowledgement. They require that you see with a fresh set of eyes. Jesus said, "Truly, truly I say to you, unless one is born again he cannot see the Kingdom of God" John 3:3. Have you considered that maybe it's time to be born again to the Kingdom of God? If you've reached a point in your life where all you believe in is what you can see with your Earthly eyes, you're the perfect candidate and I nominate you to be the first one out of the boat. No lights, no cameras, no $500,000 prize, no fame. You get eternal life. You get Joy, Peace, Love, Hope, Freedom. You get a brand new life, led by the greatest gift you can receive in the world, The Holy Spirit. Just like Tabitha, I found a new life. Much like Tabitha, I found my new life in an "upper room". There wasn't a big showy exit from my old life. One night a very broken woman climbed the stairs to her bedroom and collapsed on the floor and begged God to take her life. Saying, "Please take it from me, I don't know how to do this anymore". Just me and Him. In my "upper room". No audience, it wasn't needed. He met me right where I was, at His feet. I died to the ways of this world and was born a Gospel Girl, with a fresh set of eyes set on The Kingdom of God. What a loving God He is! There wasn't a question I had to answer, He simply picked me up and said "Do you not know how much I love you, Talitha?" and has spent every day since showing me in miraculous ways. In hindsight, I see a million ways He was showing me even before that, that He was always with me. But, did you happen to notice the name He spoke to me at the end of the sentence? Epic "A-HA!!" moment. It isn't my given name. I didn't know what it meant until I looked it up, it is Aramaic for "little girl". If you replace the "l" with a "b" it become Tabitha. Which means "Gazelle" in Greek. You ever seen a gazelle run? It's as fast as the wind blows. This little girl is running at Her Father, swiftly and gracefully into His loving arms.  He was waiting a long time for me to come Home. He's waiting on you too, pinkie promise. 

"Truly, truly I say to you, unless one is born of water and the Spirit, he cannot enter the Kingdom of God. That which is born of the flesh is flesh and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit. Do not marvel that I said to you, "You must be born again". The wind blows where it wishes and you hear its sound but you do not know where it comes from or where it goes. So it is with everyone who is born of the Spirit." John 3:5-8

Historical sidenote: After Peter raised Tabitha, he decided to stay in Joppa for a few days and then realized that "God shows no partiality" and began his mission of not only converting Jews to Christianity, but Gentiles as well. Was he successful? Duh. Get out your Bible and read the story!!!

Love Rejoices With The Truth

Wide Left Turns of Joy

I don't know if anyone noticed, but Gospel Girl started strong and has kind of slipped off the radar here lately. There is one thing I know, the enemy smiles when we are up to our ears in work, but he trembles when we pray; when we take a stand and claim our identities as children of the Almighty God, satan has to leave at the sound of His Great Name. Jesus Christ gave His life so that we may have life abundantly and I start with all of this to say; I'm here to stay. I may only have a few precious moments right now, but I won't allow anything to get in the way of the work God has started in me! So, all together now, even if under your breath just say it, "Jesus". Now we can move on to a brief summary of how come this blog took so long to post!

There has been a lot of activity in the life of Gospel Girl. This has been a season of change and growth for me and just when I think I get a handle on one thing, God leads me to something else. I praise Him and the wisdom He so lovingly shares with his precious children! See, I had two other posts that are still sitting in my "drafts" pile which would've made for good posts, but I think I clued everyone in at the start that I can't phone it in. My heart was in what I was writing, I thought it was pretty funny and somewhat thought provoking stuff, don't get me wrong. The Holy Spirit wasn't jiving with it though and so I decided to pray about it until I got the green light. Which came this morning. This is a pretty huge accomplishment for your impatient, high-metabolism having sister! One of my greatest struggles is letting go and letting God. How many times have I entered into prayer with an earnest desire for God's will to manifest in my life, but on my timeframe? Oh, the times I have asked for answers and when I didn't get them as quickly as Google could deliver, I just threw my hands up and continued to do whatever it is I hadn't heard back on yet! Have you done this?

How merciful God must be to put up with our demands. Any of you have children? Know children? Seen children on tv? Surely you've heard of them. They are smallish people with big demands and typically do not possess a whole bunch of patience or practical been-around-awhile knowledge to keep them from falling off of roofs or setting the house on fire. I know a few who would like to think they know more than I do, in fact I know a certain four year old who is the greatest back seat driver that ever was. One morning after delivering his brother to the bus stop, I asked little bossy bones if he wanted to sit in my lap and steer us back to the house since apparently he wasn't quite impressed with my 6:30 a.m. driving ability that got us there. With a huge grin that read let-me-show-you-how-it-is-done, bossy bones got in my lap and gripped the steering will and said, "Mom, push the gas!". I assured him that I was letting him steer without any help, which worked out momentarily as the street we were on was a straight shot. When we stopped at the stop sign and then started to turn the corner, I noticed that bossy bones wasn't turning left hard enough and calmly said, "Sweet stuff, you have to turn harder!", to which he replied, "you have to go faster!". I explained that if we went faster, we would end up in the yard of some poor soul who wasn't counting on their lawn being used as a learning tool that quiet morning. I was met with a fierce stubbornness that possibly could be a genetic trait and as we made a very wide left turn and ran aground on said neighbor's lawn, bossy bones started shouting "Stop Mama!!!". A few moments of frustration followed and a humble little boy looked at me with big crocodile tears and said, "I don't want to drive anymore." What we agreed on from that point is that he would drive, but only under my guidance. After we made it home safely and without disturbing the lawns of any of our other unsuspecting neighbors, it occured to me that the lesson learned was more for me and not little bossy bones. How many times has God lovingly tried to steer me and how many times have I gripped the wheel and argued that I know what I'm doing?

 I've ran aground on circumstances a lot less innocent than perfectly manicured grass and there Jesus was, patiently and so lovingly waiting for me to admit that I didn't know at all how to drive. Not God's way anyhow. Submission to the will of our Father is difficult and all we have to do is remember Jesus praying in Gethsemane to remind of  just how difficult it is. Our savior, Jesus Christ, knew that he was staring down death at the hands of sinners and said "Abba Father all things are possible for you. Remove this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will".  Mark 14:32. The struggle of the flesh is a very real thing, it is weak! In the flesh, Jesus asked if there was any way around what was about to happen, but knew that it was God's will and accepted death FOR US and I know I have mentioned it before, but even as he hung there dying asked God to forgive us sinners because we did not know any better!! What love is this?! Christ showed us that no matter what we face, if we accept God's will "For those who love God all things work together for good." Romans 8:28. Good. Don't you want good?? I do! What's so amazing about this is that anyone who has accepted His will find that it goes beyond good. Joy is what you will find. Pure Joy, thick and sweet enough to ice a cake with, will surface in your life and you won't have a vocabulary elaborate enough to explain it. It eclipses all affliction with His Glory.

I want to challenge you to look at a situation in your life where you are gripping the steering will so tight that your hands hurt from the effort of it. Now, try this; slide over to the passenger seat and say "Look God, no hands. Take me where You need me to go!". Let Him drive for you and just enjoy the ride.


Thank you for continuing to allow me to share my heart with all of you. Joy be with you.

Love Does Not Demand Its Own Way.

Sheep Climbing Trees and Other Cool Tricks

Exoskeletons. Those creepy, shell carcass things that you find littered all over the South Eastern part of the United States after the Cicadas have hatched out. They look almost exactly like the bug itself but really it is just an empty shell of what it was and I have never quite figured out how it stays intact while a big 'ol flying critter busts out of it. Occasionally, I will admit that I like to use one to prank the kids and leave the thing perched atop the front door handle and wait for the inevitable freak out and screams. This never fails to entertain me. Hey, I'm a Gospel Girl, I never claimed to be a saint. What is so nifty about these exoskeletons is the metaphor I'm about to use, because I'm just clever that way. They represent that growth took place. Simple as that. They are a visual testimony of development and change, leaving behind what was no longer needed so that a newer, bigger, faster, stronger version can emerge and live. Now don't skip ahead to the conclusion already, because there are so many neat tricks between here and there and you might miss out on a lesson in unbelievably cool ways God shows His love. Yes, I am using bug carcasses to demonstrate.

I wonder if those Cicadas know what is happening and just hold so, so, sooooo still and wait for the big shed or if there is some kind of frantic, frenzied freaking out that takes place in their little buggy brains?  I can tell you how I used to approach those times of growth. Can you guess? "What's happening?! I have to know, OMGGGG, what is going on? I just HAVE to know, right now, right now, right now!!!". Followed by a variety mix of bad coping mechanisms including but not limited to; denial, avoidance, overbearingness, defeat, defensive strategies. You name it, if I was sitting on the verge of something that I thought was going to be uncomfortable, which growth can often be, I was an expert in buggy-brained freak outs and behavior. Often times it was because I was used to how "the world" had taught me to deal with things, an anemic legacy of a diseased family structure. What I knew is that chaos always preceded change and that change had left me on my own way too many times. It was very difficult for me to acknowledge growth as something positive in many instances, especially when I felt that no other option existed. So, how do I define growth? Anything in your life that takes you out of your comfort zone, pushes you to make a decision that is difficult, or reroutes your usual path of least resistance for your greater good. This is why Jesus told parables. Just for people like me, pretty stinking good chance for people like you too, simply because we are inclined to not only walk that path of least resistance, often times we go whistling Dixie down it. Think about it. Chances are if someone walked up to you right now and said, "Hey friend, guess what? Your house is going to burn down and you're about to lose everything in it, but you're going to learn how to live beneath your means for once and your family is going to bond and realize the good out in the world by the ways people try to help you rebuild!" you'd not welcome your house burning down just to grow in financial discipline, learn the love of community or just how much you and your familymembers need one another. I doubt you'd welcome the opportunity of perspective there, but ask anyone who has been through such a disaster and chances are they learned something epic because of it. Found the "silver lining".That's called growth. That's why the term "growing pains" (I'm rocking the clichés today!) gets thrown around. It doesn't always feel so great. It is easy during those times to feel like you're being punished or that God isn't seeing you or hearing your prayers and resort to buggy-brained freaking out, but this is when He is closest. This is when we should rejoice! No, I'm not bat-poop crazy; I am a believer in God's crazy love for us! When all is lost, we are in the perfect position to find Him and the most awesome flip side to this is that He is looking for us. Not in a casual, "I wonder what Gospel Girl is up to these days" kind of way. No, God's way of locating a lost lamb is beyond anything even this never-at-a-loss-for-words girl can explain. It's equal parts passion, mercy, providence, grace, love and a fierce burning desire to reunite the lost one with it's Shepherd lest that lamb be lost to the crippling, debilitating life that sin will enslave you in. Remember those parables I mentioned?!! Luke 15:4, " What man of you, having a hundred sheep, if he lost one of them, does not leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the one that is lost until he finds it? And when he has found it, he lays it on his shoulders rejoicing. And when he comes home, he calls together his friends and neighbors, saying to them, 'Rejoice with me for I have found my sheep that was lost'. Just so, I tell you there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who need no repentance." Whoa. God is out there looking for His lost sheep to bring them home to His Kingdom. I give up looking for my car keys*3 minutes into the search and I really need those for life to be right. God doesn't need us, but He loves us SOOOO much that He NEVER STOPS LOOKING. I love Him so much that I never stop seeking Him, Jesus showed me everything I truly need for life to be right and it is all written down in one place, a true instruction manual on life, The Holy Bible. And ready for the BAM! moment; this is why when I face change now, I embrace it. It still might fit funky, but I know that God is up to something, the Holy Spirit tells me, "Just wait it out" and I do as gracefully as a former buggy girl can. Why? Because my Savior told me this juicy, little tidbit; "Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the Glory of God?" John 11:40. BAM. Meditate on that for a minute. Let it sink in, hold so, so, sooooo still and then let God shed off whatever it is you need to outgrow, without fear. Let God do His thing. Even though it would be really awesome to see a little exoskeleton to prove that you're busting out of something, just believe His promise and take that walk in faith. Look to Him for that promise of Glory and it will be revealed in a way that only the growth that preceded could have prepared you for. Okay, the more I think about it, an exoskeleton of a human would just be weird, but it served dramatic purposes.

I think about that time I spent as a lost sheep. It's like looking at someone else's life. Seriously. I see pain, a desperate need for acceptance and love, but still a beautiful spirit that needed just the right love. Jesus bathed me with His radiant love, that life in darkness is forever behind me. What I still can't fathom is how little emotion I have attached to it anymore. I'm grateful for it and understand that without those challenges, I wouldn't be equipped to do what the Lord is calling me to do now and I'm getting closer to it every, single second. Praise God! I now know what it means to live. My testimony is now my exoskeleton, I show it to others so they can see how Jesus busted me out. Lookout or I will start climbing trees and singing all night long. Just one more amazing way God shows His love.

Recently I was asked to do a "cardboard testimony". One word to describe what life was like before I found Christ (or He found me) and one word to describe what life is like now. I can't wait to reveal that to all of you at the right time, but I'm curious to know if you'll share yours? If you haven't found Christ yet, what do you think your life is like in comparison to those who have? I'll leave you with this, what do you have to lose?

Love Never Ends.

Father God,  I thank you for never giving up on you search for this lost sheep, even when I didn't think I was worthy of being found. Please use me to guide others towards You, let me reflect the love and mercy that You have shown me so other lost sheep will see Your light to find their way home. In Your Holy Name, Amen. 

*Side note, when I do find my car keys, I tell everyone I know about my small victory to prove that I am not, in fact, bat-poop crazy or approaching it. Yet. This is why I keep writing; if just one of you finds a bright spot in your day by me telling of the Victory in Christ, I praise God.

Funk, Faith and Forgiveness.

I'm just going to come out and say it, I'm in a funk. And I can funk with the funkiest, James Brown ain't got nothing on me. What's so neato is that this isn't my usual funk. This is a very contemplative, cut to the quick, self-emptying, non-pity party having, put-on-your-big-girl-pants kind of jam. I'm in super-serious, don't have a lot to say territory and THAT, my friends, is why I am writing this now. I sense that my time out is over and I learned my lesson, time to apply it. Who put me in time out? My Heavenly Father.

Here's a little transparency from me, a little backstory for anyone who's paying attention and doesn't really know the meat and potatoes of who I was pre Gospel Girl. My childhood was weird. My parents, who I will refer to as "Mom" and "Pop" to protect the innocent, were just a couple of hippies who met in the 70's got married, started a family and then imploded amidst sex, drugs and rock and roll. I got shuffled around a lot, saw things no little girl should've seen and had a huge, gaping hole in me that just wanted a whole bunch of love from my parents, Carol and Mike Brady style. God love them (and He really does), my parents just liked to have fun and didn't like consequences, responsibility or dealing with the real world. I can't tell you how many people I stayed with growing up, how many different schools I went to or how many times I found myself substituting my reality with whatever book I could get my hands on. I had a huge extended family who looked out for me and my fair share of guardian angels (one who I know had a set of wings on his wheelchair, here on Earth. Rest in Peace Daddy Jeff), otherwise I can assure you I wouldn't be here pecking the keys right now. My Mom stayed fairly present, but with a crippling bi-polar disorder and a couple of other personality disorders, alcoholism and a Skittles variety of medications all mixed together, I was often the parent in the relationship. The one who would take the keys, hide the beer, call the cops when things got rowdy and call to get the lights put back on when they'd been shut off due to months of non-payment. My Mom is a beautiful woman with a damaged mind. I truly do not think she was made for this world, her mind is that delicate. She did teach me how to love though, unconditionally. I've never known someone who I could feel so many things for all at once as my Mom. Mama, if you're reading this, I love you, you know all is forgiven. My Pop on the other hand, now that was all frustration, a girl can only sit on the front porch, stand outside of school, wait on the curb for someone so many times without them showing up before they dig a moat, fill it with alligators, build walls of flaming brick and mortar and top it with diamond-cut barbed wire that wraps around the very tower they're hiding in. Pop, if you're reading this you know I love you and all is forgiven. Now imagine trying to convince me that I have a Heavenly Father who loves, protects, adores, seeks and forgives me. Yeah, I think I mentioned mule headed and misguided in a previous post. It took a minute to grasp that concept and by minute I mean my entire life. I truly turn my face up in awe at God and the relationship we have. Okay, whoa, hang on before I go full mush, let me explain how my funk started.



How many of you have ever let someone else's opinion/rudeness/rejection/criticism make you feel like crap? Mmmhhmm. It hurts, doesn't it? The closer that person is, the more it hurts. That is because we have an undeniably continuous desire to be loved and accepted. Crazier than that, we expect everyone to treat us with Grace while we expect them to be the finished product. Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong. So to sum it up, we accept the wrong kind of love instead of giving the right kind of love. Or we love when it is easy to love, when we know it will be reciprocated and it is (altogether now) accepted. And this kind of love is poison. It is toxic and not only does it stunt our growth, it stunts our FAITH. In fact, any kind of "love" that separates us from God is toxic and to just put it in your face, if you're looking to anyone walking on two feet or even four to love you and (thank you Jerry Maguire for decades of dysfunction) complete you, you have it all wrong. It is called false idolatry and that, my friends is a sin. You will never find what you want, let alone what only God knows what you need. Take it from a girl who looked in all the wrong places to fill that void, who would crumble at the hint of rejection. If there is a part of you that can't function without the approval or admiration of those around you, if there is a part of you that is terrified of being alone and will allow anyone to use your heart as a scratching post for their loneliness, stop. Take a look in the mirror and repeat after me, "I am a child of the King of Kings, I deserve nothing less than God's best!!" Sweets, THAT is the truth. That is the truth that will set you free from whatever bondage your heart is in. Easier said than done? "My Grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness" 2 Corinthians 12:9. Weakness. Whatever it is that messes you up every flipping time you think you're over it and causes your life to tailspin. We all have one. What is yours? Define it. Write it down. Comment it below. I don't care how you do it, just acknowledge it and then humor me; thank God for it. That is the exact reason you need Him. Did you know that He also provides a simple way to start getting over it? Totally. Jesus said, "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." Matthew 7:7 These are HIS words, Jesus said this to us!!!God in the flesh gave us such an easy route to His Grace that it almost seems inconceivable! (Princess Bride voice is a must here). You ever had a hot date and couldn't wait for that knock on the door because this could be the life defining moment of finding your one, true love?! Jesus is sitting on the other side of that door, sister (brothers too) and you can't even imagine how much He wants that opportunity to be your one, true love. He is waiting on that knock, for you to bust the door down looking for Him! He wants to show you that everything you ever wanted exists in His loving arms. You will never, ever, ever, ever find it in whatever you are trying to cram in that void to bury the weakness, to cover the pain. Not in work, food, drugs, alcohol, sex, money, fame, pity, football (not even Alabama football), or each other. How can you know it works? I wouldn't be typing this right now and thinking about my hot date with Jesus tonight (Bible Study! Hebrews is so cool!!) if it didn't. Knock. Ask. Seek. Now, since I got that out and am not feeling so funky anymore let me share with you what I learned in my time out.


I'm an apt pupil, I absorb information at an alarming rate. I always have and often times I overlook some important details because of this, but The Gospel of Jesus Christ, I know to be truth. I read something on June 2nd of this very year that captivated me, held me to where I was and gave me the power to make choices in my life that I never imagined myself being strong enough to make. It was my very literal, step out of the boat. "Follow me, Jesus said to him and Levi got up, left everything and followed him." Luke 5:27-28. Peter, Andrew, Levi, James, John. They all just got up and left everything they knew behind them and followed Jesus. Its a subtle yet consistent theme in the Gospels, to just leave whatever mattered to them to follow Jesus. No big deal, see ya on the flip side. And I had this radical thought; what if I do this too? Something in my heart said, do it. Thanks to The Holy Spirit on that one. My way was broken, it wasn't working. What if I just put it all down and followed Jesus? All I can tell you is that nothing is the same once you do. What I learned, in my funk, is that even though I thought I had left it all behind, I was mistaken. I have been holding on to one last notion; that I THINK I know what kind of love I deserve. My loving Father is showing me in a quiet display of the "protective Daddy" that He wants me to have the kind of love He KNOWS I deserve. I'm listening. I'm listening so hard that while watching Doc McStuffins with my 4 year old, I thought they said "Be quiet and listen for God's instructions" instead of Doc's instructions. Regardless, I got the message (and a strange look from said 4 year old when I yelled "Amen!!" at the television). I asked and it is being given to me. I've never known what it was like to have that protective Father, but now I do. You'll find it too, just knock. Ask. Seek. More importantly, listen. Notice a theme in my posts? We can all learn a thing or two thousand by just humbling our hearts to listen.


By the way, I love my family.


Love Always Protects

Veruca Salt of the Earth

I started writing a new blog post Saturday morning, but the words just wouldn't come out. I prayed and as I tried to work amidst the pleadings of a 4 year old with a seemingly bottomless abyss of a stomach and my step-dog trying to burglar a loaf of bread off of my kitchen counter, I realized that it just wasn't the right time (we will revisit Cami and her wayward antics of breaking and entering some other time, there is a lot of Christ-like love to be had when it comes to living with toddlers and black labs, trust me on this). Anyhow, back to trying to write this; there is one thing that I can't do. Pretend. I am horribly, terribly, stinking bad at it.  I could've posted a bunch of fluff and wit just to put some substance out there, but when you're a true Gospel Girl, The Holy Spirit will fill you with thoughts like "quality, not quantity" and "make it count". Cliché, I know, but He knows our hearts and I am a cheesy, cliché loving girl. My favorite of all time you ask? Actions speak louder than words. In scriptural terms, "Faith without works is dead"(James 2:17).

I used to have a big thing for motivational speakers, spent countless hours listening to people in hopes that one might breathe a word that made sense to me. One finally did, He spoke a promise over me, "I will heal you". The first time I ever knew without a doubt that God spoke to me was like having my soul jump started. It sparked a hunger in me that has grown to ravenous in time, but to have that moment, that defining moment where my loving Father spoke words of healing over my life; I've never received anything more precious. Here is something that we all need to understand though, God's timing is perfect. Hard to grasp in our, "app" driven society, hard to understand when our human nature is so Veruca Salt like, "I want it now". If you don't know who Veruca Salt is or have never seen Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, shame on you. Everyone needs oompa loompas in their lives, they were the original minions after all.

The day after God spoke to me, my life didn't miraculously change. No, it took years to get to the place I am in now (and I'm still growing, I hope I never stop and just bust out like a can of biscuits)and I'm not saying that it will take years for anyone else, I have seen Him turn someone's life around overnight. I was a late bloomer in my faith. Mule-headed and misguided, I am one of those who had to be brought to my knees, it is after all, the place where we find Him the easiest. Our most broken state. We just have to believe that whatever He brings us to, He will bring us through and your life is exactly as He wills. Right now. Hard to understand? Good, that means you have a brain. Let me urge you to use it for just a few more minutes and riddle me this, Where have you seen God, undeniably? What is the one thing that makes you all wide-eyed with awe and makes you wonder how such a thing ever came to pass? Whatever it is, God did that. Just saying. He will do it for you too, whatever He knows you need, have faith.

Now about those motivational speakers, I have one living in me now and I have to admit, its darn cool. To be able to tap in to the Holy Spirit and hear, "I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners" (Mark 2:17) and know that those words were meant not just for me, but for anyone reading them. Those words remind me that all of the time I spent thinking that I wasn't "good enough" to be a Christian was just the devil sitting on my shoulder, whispering doubt into my heart. He's been knocked off, by the way. "The devil will put some of you in prison to test you and you will suffer persecutions for ten days. Be faithful even to the point of death and I will give you the crown of life" (Revelation 2:10). It can get scary talking about satan, but the greatest trick he's ever tried to play is to convince the world he doesn't exist. Don't fall for that. Keep your eyes focused on things above, our Wonderful Maker is so real that even demons tremble at His name. King Jesus, sitting at the right hand of God will make our enemies his footstool (paraphrased Psalm 110:1). Don't let doubt, discouragement and disbelief keep you from God's promises, learn to hear the Holy Spirit. Read scripture daily, there is a very real and palpable power in His word. Abandon it all to Jesus, leave behind what gets in your way of hearing His loving message. Listen with intent and what you'll find is a best friend who will tell you when those pants make you look fat or when someone really isn't that into you. Okay, not literally but you will find truth. The Holy Spirit will always speak truth to you and lead you to the grace you may think you don't deserve. Accept it. You will become the salt of the Earth. Sacrificing what you want right now for what you want most will become easier than you could ever imagine. "Whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God." John 3:21

Father, thank you for your unconditional love, your never ending mercy and grace that I do not deserve. Let me be a light, use me up and let someone's heart be touched by these words today. In Your Holy Name I Pray, amen.

Love Never Fails

Boca Grande Strikes Again

So, two days ago I said I would talk about just how big God is to me. In hopes that He will become THAT big to you if He isn't already. In my usual roundabout way, I will get there.

The literal translation of "Boca Grande" is Big Mouth. I think there is a whiny song by The Smiths titled Big Mouth Strikes again and not to take away from their whole emo-before-emo-was-cool vibe, but they really nailed the hypocrisy we all have issues with. I'd like to cancel that subscription, please.

I like to think that I do what I say and say what I do, but I fall short. This morning I was reflecting on "life" things and how it seems that I let my mouth (meaning my lack of letting go and letting God) get me in a ditch with people I care about sometimes (almost always). My big mouth causes me to not follow through with something else I should be doing, something the Holy Spirit is elbowing me in the ribs to do. I learned a hard lesson yesterday. For about a week now, in one area of my life, the Good Lord has been telling me to "hush". Oh noooooooo, I just had to freak out, snatch control back from my Loving Father and spill out what was on my mind and when I say spill, think about those huge gumball machines in Old Navy filled with bouncy balls, just busting open and the chaotic smattering and ricocheting of round, rubber novelties going in every direction. That sums up the initial "spill". Sometime in between trying to avoid stepping on the glass shards I created and scooping up wayward thoughts, I stopped. I hushed. I listened. I prayed. Then I felt the Holy Spirit chide me for getting into that mess, but loving me enough to say "here's a broom, let's clean up what you did here". The words that lovingly flowed from that point on (notice the transition from chaos to order) reminded me just how big God is. He will take whatever mess we have created and bring it back to order. Even the one I created. This girl, me. One little-bitty, eensy-teensy red dot on a great big Google satellite map of the world. Why does He do this? Because His love is larger than anything we can imagine. He absolutely delights in us calling out to Him. You know that feeling you get when someone asks for help and you deliver it seamlessly or your trivia partner looks to you in despair and you actually know the answer? Multiply that by a bajillion and that is what God feels when we call out to Him for help. "Call to me and I will answer and show you great and mighty things which you do not know." Jeremiah 33:3 When we remember that Christ is alive in us and that if we get out of the way long enough, He will bring us back to our Father's love. Every. Single. Stinking. Time. We. Fail. Now if you'll go back to the top of this paragraph, you'll see that I mentioned something else I was supposed to be doing whilst in the midst of running my mouth. Here is where I failed yesterday.

My "spiritual gifts" have a top 3 list. Number one, being Faith. Yesterday I forgot to have Faith in God's will. I let my heart step in and have a tantrum of Donald Duck like proportion.  Forgive me, Father. Number two, Shepherding. I knew of a lost lamb who needed tending to and I selfishly chose to let my first failure (see above) get in the way. Forgive me, Father. My third gift is the one I wear on my sleeve, Mercy. God has shown me such tremendous mercy that it is no small coincidence that I happen to have it for others. "Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need." Hebrews 4:16 Someone's in need???? I'm on it. It's that simple of a tendency for me, but not yesterday. Forgive me, Father.

In failing in the first two ways, I forgot to show myself mercy. I surely didn't show it to others in my time of selfish need. Here's the kicker, God didn't forget His promise though. In my time of need, as selfish as it was, He covered me with love and showed His ever so gentle, ever so perfect mercy. God is so big that He picked me up from crying out on my bedroom floor in shame and tucked me in with the promise of new mercies in the morning (Lamentations 3:22-23). When I woke this morning, it was to a brand spanking new day of chances to INTENTIONALLY embrace that Christ is alive in me when it would be easier for me to wallow around and throw myself a pity party, but that's not Jesus's kind of party. He's more about fishes, loaves of bread and walking up on people in boats in the middle of a storm and scaring the bej... lights out of them. He is about forgiving us even when it is hard to forgive ourselves. Truly, Jesus is about mercy, even when it isn't deserved.  Even in His last moments before His death, He defended our ignorance and selfishness by saying "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do" Luke 23:34. God is so big that Jesus, "the radiance of the Glory of God and the exact imprint of His nature"(Hebrews 1:1-4) lives, is alive, takes hold of and loves each one of us in our most fallen states. God is so big that He puts our broken, little moments in the forefront of His heart and gives us beauty for ashes if we will just let go and let Him.

That's why it is important to know how big God is. How the very act of redeeming ourselves is something that we absolutely cannot do. We are already redeemed by Christ's sacrifice, when we accept Jesus Christ into our hearts, follow the guidance of the Holy Spirit and LET God control our lives, everything falls into place. It may not come in the package you expect, it may not look like the life you were planning, but therein lies the beauty. God has your name written on His hand already. He will give you beauty for ashes. So, heed my advice; hush your big mouths, take a moment to pray and give it to God. Or do what I did this morning when I felt the enormity of His mercy, write on your bathroom mirror "How can I serve God today?" and follow through. Let your big God strike again. I hear He only has plans to bless us.

How can you serve God today? How big is God to you?

Blessings, peace, love.

Waving A Sword In Public

Yes, I said a sword. Okay, so maybe it is really a pen. If you want to be literal, a laptop, but lets just stay focused here. Have you ever heard your Heavenly Father tell you to do something? Have the Holy Spirit grab you by the earlobe and drag you towards something because hitting you over the head with it or multiple other signs didn't get your attention? Yeah, me too. That's why I am writing this. I can trace back a trillion little things that happened to get me to where I am sitting right this second, typing frantically and hoping that I may get a few readers who will relate to my completely unpolished and free flowing style of writing. The truth is, I happened to have a day off and The Holy Spirit said, "Make a blog". See, I opened my big mouth a few too many times and stated, "give me two years". Two years for what, you ask? Two years to get out what I want to say about the Gospel of Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior. I doubt I can cover it in that amount of time, but wait a second...Did I just say doubt?? We don't use that kind of language around here. "If God is for us, who can be against us?" Romans 8:31. I'm a girl with a Sword of the Holy Spirit. I got this.

I haven't always been a Gospel Girl. I've been a selfish girl, a people-pleasing girl, a hot-tempered girl, a wild girl and often times a very irresponsible and self destructive girl. Sometimes when I look back at my life before I fell head over heels in love with Christ, I don't even recognize that girl; but I have learned to always love her. I've learned that I wouldn't be the sassy, sword-swinging sister in Christ that I am now if I hadn't been her. Jesus loves broken people and hot dog, does He love me!! So, here is what this blog will offer; my transparency, my wacky sense of humor, typos, bad grammar, lovey-dovey-mushy-God-stuff and a huge heaping of Grace. I don't care who you are, where you live, if you are a purple polka-dotted cyclops, I love you and my goal is to help you learn that God does, but even more. No matter what. It is never too late to accept this fact, it is never too late to claw your way out of what ever hole you have dug in your life and take that great, big gulp of fresh air that Jesus will provide for you. Shake your head, but please just hear me out. If the God who owns the skies, the God who created the galaxies is crazy about me and sought me out, I know He is crazy about you too and is so much closer than you think. You are exactly where you are meant to be and exactly who you are meant to be and He LOVES you like crazy, and once you turn your face towards Him, be ready. Be ready for the biggest love you've ever known, He is bigger than anything you have ever imagined. Tomorrow, we will talk about just how big God is. For now just simmer on this, "Delight yourself in the Lord" Psalm 37:4 and "He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing" Zephaniah 3:17. God delights in me and sings over me? Time to get quiet and listen...He knows I'm a closet Neil Diamond fan. Peace be with you.