Slaying Dragons With Love

Memories haunt us, they are the real ghosts of the past. Why fear haints and phantoms when memories can hurt you more than any specter? The echoes of things we can never go back to, the flashes of times we want to forget. One of my most painful memories to date is a small one, yet it can steal my breath and whisper words of defeat into my heart. Me, 10 years old, chubby, scabby-kneed and strong-willed, sitting on the curb and completely determined that my Dad was going to love me enough this time to pick me up like he'd promised to. If he comes this time he DOES love me. Seconds turned into minutes, minutes into hours. My Mom, pacing anxiously in the living room; every so often I would see her peeking out at me with that look on her face. The look that knew he wasn't coming and that she'd suffer because of it. The look that knew I was going to take it all out on her because my 10 year old mind didn't know how to direct anger, rejection and humiliation. She was always the one who took the brunt of it, never him. Never the one who deserved it. The fear of doing anything that would keep him from coming back at all was too great and when you go begging for any little scrap of love, any little leftover thing, you try to be just right and just lovable enough. Don't be bad, don't say anything that will make him go away again. I didn't care if I hurt her, deep in my heart I knew she would cry about it; shedding tears of defeat herself. He defeated both of us, left her alone and broken to raise a little girl who would break a million times over in the wake. Everyone I love leaves me. We were in it together, my mom and I. I hated her for it. He isn't coming because of her. I blamed her because I didn't know any better. Sometimes, she hated me too and she would tell me so. She doesn't love me either, I'm NOT lovable. That night in particular, this memory in particular, reveals something I hadn't considered in all of my adult years. My mama loved me just like Jesus asks us to love one another. When it was not easy. Even through the ugly words and emotions, she loved me. When I wanted to hide away with my wounds of shame and anger, she loved me. I'm so ugly. NOBODY wants me. She loved me when I was unlovable and even in all of her broken ways, she wore my pain, she took my lashes of misdirected hurt. Let me love like she did. Let me love like Jesus does.

I spoke of wounds in my previous post, but very superficially. I've yet to see any uglier wounds than those children inflict upon themselves when the most important man in their life on Earth tosses them aside with little regard. The worst part about them? They fester. They grow. They destroy. They have the ability to infect. Show me a fatherless child and I will show you exactly where the wound is. It is a huge gaping hole in the marrow of their being. It burns and sizzles at the sound of father/daughter dances or Donuts for Dads. I will be sick that day. It throbs with pain at the sight of Father's Day cards or an empty mailbox on their birthday. He forgot again. It splits wide open during the times they need a strong shoulder to cry on and the reassurance that they are beautiful and loved. Even God forgot about me, I'm so alone. Over time they learn to exist with the pain, but they don't really live. My daughter is now one of those kids. Yes, you read that right. And the legacy of pain stops now. The devil, that delirious dragon, has lost his stronghold in my family tree.  

Yesterday, my beautiful and so vulnerable 15 year old posted something on Facebook that made my heart stop. 15 Things All Dads Of Daughters Should Know. Before clicking the link, I took a deep breath and said a small prayer. What I read re-opened a wound, but this cut so much deeper because I never wanted to infect my daughter with this. Father, forgive me. How do I heal her, this most precious gift I have ever received in the form of a girl? What do I do?  Let me love you like Jesus does, my sweet girl. Allow me to share with you what your Heavenly Father wants you to know, what He promises you. Let's heal together, baby girl. You and me. 

You Are Always Loved

Even when you don't love yourself, the choices you've made, the mistakes you've made or the ways you feel about certain people, God loves you right now. In the middle of any mess you might make, He loves you right where you are. Flat on your face. Hiding in shame. Broken by the world. He LOVES you when you can't find love for anything or anyone else. No. Matter. What. Turn to God, keep your eyes locked with our Savior Jesus' and you'll feel it. There's not a man walking the planet that can love you like this, poets and writers, movies and songs; they will never touch this kind of love. Don't try to replace it, embrace it. 

You Will Always Have The People You Need

Every person in your life is there for a reason. Whether it is to grow you, stretch you, test you, knock you down, lift you up or all things in between, God is Sovereign. There are no coincidences, Every moment of your life is already written in His book of your life. Listen when it doesn't feel right, don't ignore discomfort in the presence of anyone, it is His way of growing you strong enough to turn away from those the devil will use to hurt you and shake your faith. He will bring you the help, guidance, support and encouragement you so desperately want in many forms, in many different people. Trust Him. 

Listen To The Songs He Sings Over You

The music you connect with, it has a lot to do with the things you're dealing with and can be a very healthy outlet. Sometimes it can keep you stuck on a moment or in a feeling that God wants you to let go of. No matter what, give yourself the gift of listening to a song that sings of His love for you. I don't care if it isn't the "cool" thing to do, I don't care if you would rather be a wallflower at your own pity party, find a song or a hymn that will reconnect you to Him and play it loud. On repeat. And if appropriate, sing it out loud. Raise your arms to him and listen. God will always meet you in worship, He will always lift you from the darkness of a memory if you'll just listen to the songs He sings over you. Just find a way, and if you can't; make one.

Observe How He Treats Your Mom

Our Heavenly father is the provider of all of our needs; this is especially important to understand in a world that is bent on twisting your morals and values and will sell you out on hollow promises. Especially important if you're from a broken home and your earthly father isn't in the picture to set the standard of how a woman should be treated and valued. Your value, in God's eyes, is beyond measure. Sometimes it will be difficult to feel love, to feel worthy of love or that God has any love for you. I'm here to tell you; He ALWAYS loves you. More than I and that's hard. Don't spend too much time trying on who you are sweet girl. Find your identity as a child of a Sovereign God; as chosen and worthy by our Savior. Too many people will try to bend you too their ideals, learn who you are in God's promises and if you find that you can't believe in that; remember what God has done in me. Think about how powerfully Christ transformed my life and know beyond a shadow of a doubt that the same overflowing love and joy is always available to you. See how He loves and values me and let Him do the same to you.

You Can Always Come Home

I won't even pretend to know what God has in store for you, but I will be so bold as to say this, He is going to use you in great and mighty ways. Your strengths and gifts, which are uniquely yours, will be a blessing to all who encounter you. This will make you a target, sometimes people will want to throw a shadow over that radiant light and you will face storms but do not lose heart. Even if you lose your way momentarily, look for light in even the smallest of ways. Equip yourself with scripture, put on the full Armor of God and be prepared to fight negativity, small minds and ulterior motives. Jesus is always a breath away, just say His Holy name and let Him guide you back home. He won't let you get too far, simply because I will ALWAYS cover you with prayer, its the strongest weapon I've ever encountered and don't think I will ever leave you wide open in this world. Not for a second.

Exercise Your Faith Muscles

Some days, you will feel really worn down and spread thin by this world. I've found that the more tired/hungry/hormonal I am, the worse everything feels. As a woman, we are emotional beings and our hormones can wreak some real havoc on our thoughts, bodies and even our prayer/worship time. Take care of your body, exercise it and nourish it and your mind won't seem so weak. If you truly can't find the energy or motivation, pray. God can really show his Grace and Mercy during these times and He loves when you come to Him in prayer asking for strength. Sometimes, its all I can do to whisper, "Jesus, I need you", but He has never let me down. He won't let you down either. Rest when you feel overwhelmed and hand your worries to Jesus, He will carry them for you when you feel your knees starting to buckle, our Savior is the ultimate gentleman and your faith will grown substantially when you learn this. Learn to take care of yourself and give the Glory to God that you have all you need to do so!

Count Your Blessings, Daily

Keep a journal, or simple reminders of the ways God has blessed you so far. Take time every day to look at the ways He has carried your through or delivered you untouched from a storm. Think of the small victories in your daily life and give the credit where it is due! This will keep you in touch with how much Jesus loves you, how our Father goes before you to give you tokens of His unconditional love. This will serve as a helpful tool during the times when you can't find a good thing to say or think. Don't believe in coincidences, believe that God always connects the dots and when those dots lead His precious daughter to a blessing, all of Heaven rejoices.

Humble Your Heart

As a beautiful, intelligent and gifted young woman, you will encounter rivalry and contention. You will seem like a threat to the insecure. Don't ever use these gifts to make anyone else feel poorly about themselves. Learn to let your beauty shine from the inside, humble your heart before God and thank Him for who you are. Never boast that you have anything better to offer than anyone else and don't ever turn your back on anyone because of how they look or because they act differently than what the world considers "normal". Jesus came to heal the sick, the sinners. It is not our responsibility to shame anyone, we are called to be a reflection of Him, don't mistake that as being anything other than a servant. And always serve with love. Please, don't ever believe that you are owed anything by anyone, rather believe in the loving Savior of Jesus Christ who secured our place in God's Kingdom. This world isn't going to spin off it's axis because of you, but you will rock the world because of Christ in you.

He's Always There

Live your life like Jesus is always in the room with you. Because He is. No matter what kind of performance you put on, there is always God; audience of one. Bring Him the applause.


The Greatest of These, Is Love

You can't do anything to escape it. You cannot find a human being who will show it to you the way your Father will. You'll try. You will look at someone someday and think, "it can't get any better than this". It does. God wants you to know His love, your Father wants to show you just how much love you deserve and He is jealous, He is all consuming and He wants to come first in your heart. Trust in Him, my girl. Trust that His love is the greatest thing you will ever experience and nothing can or ever will get any better than it. Listen for His voice, let Him sing over you, let Him be your shelter. I won't always be here, but I promise you this; He will. Read your Bible. You won't find any lists or bulleted articles about how to live, but you will find everything you thought you were missing. You'll discover the Truth. The Way. The Life.

I love you, Maddy Cakes.


Love Never Ends

God's First Aid Kit

This morning, I wrote this for my favorite ladies in the world; my sisters in Christ where I "formally" serve the Lord every Sunday. Y'all I say formally lightly, we are a come-as-you-are bunch and there's not a lick of formality involved in it! It tickles me to think of any of us trying to approach anything acting like something other than ourselves, we are just real women trying to survive in this crazy world! Anyhow, we have a weekly email devotional that we send 'round and I often find myself so encouraged when words that are meant to lift up reach my inbox. God gives us so many beautiful gifts and the fellowship and support of our family in Christ is the most treasured, in my opinion. People often confuse church with religion and more often than not, overlook the power of the relationships that are the cornerstones of faith. This is a family that God built, in His image, to scatter the Good News of Jesus Christ.  All are welcome, come as you are. Ya know, just in case you thought you needed a "formal" invitation. I hope you enjoy and guys, if you're reading this, just substitute shoes for hunting/fishing gear or whatever your "thing" is!

Here it is:

There are often times when I am dealing with patients and I have to be firm in one command with them; "Don't pick, pull or scratch that itch while you're healing! Let the new skin grow in without injury so you won't end up with a nasty scar!". It seems kind of silly to have to remind grown people of this all of the time, but it reminds me of just how easy it is for us to give in to temptation. How quick we are to "scratch an itch" when temptation creeps in.

Recently in our Sunday School class, we were discussing the different means the devil uses to get to us, the ways he fools us into thinking we want what he has to offer more than what God promises us. The most lethal weapon that the enemy uses to shake us with is discouragement, if he can cause us to doubt, sisters he will! He will make us doubt our way right into believing that we will feel better by something in our pantry that we know doesn't nourish our bodies, by making us believe that a new pair of shoes we can't afford will fix all that ails us. Often he will cause our tongues to say things about others' short comings to make ourselves feel "better" and other times he will convince you that you can never truly be yourself because nobody will love or accept you and all of your scars. The worst, when you look in the mirror and he convinces you that God got it wrong and you don't love what you see staring back at you. In these times, it's so tempting to find unhealthy ways to scratch an itch of loneliness and despair.  In these times it is easy to forget about the rainbows God has hidden in the storms or that our Sovereign doesn't make mistakes and that you are truly as precious as rubies and a beauty to behold. Wounds included.

We all have wounds and under the steady hand of our Healer, listen when I say that He doesn't want us to pick, pull or scratch at what He's mending, ladies. "My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness" (2 Corinthians 12:9). Stop trying to put band-aids and ointments on these wounds, stop trying to cover up your weakness and let GOD be GOD. Let Him work in your life by sharing your weakness, let others know where you struggle, pray without ceasing and let Him bring you the relief you seek. Do not be discouraged! Let the strength of Jesus, who endured it all, be your strength. If we can fight the voice of the enemy, the discouragement that sneaks in to steal our joy, we can heal ourselves of all things! Jesus died on the Cross, suffered wounds unimaginable to our minds so that we wouldn't have to live with the pain of them. Hallelujah, what a Savior!!

Life here on Earth, it's tough. Everywhere we turn, there are "7 Steps to a Better You" or "Lose 9lbs By Tomorrow". Constant messages that we aren't good enough, right where we are. The world is out to buy your soul with a 30 day guarantee, shipping and handling not included. It hurts. It wounds. Let it stop HERE. Stop buying into empty promises, stop listening to the voices that will tell you that you have to be anything other than YOU, because they all wound you. Here's my soundest advice for preventing wounds; be encouraged. Jesus already declared victory over all of these afflictions. The Bible gives us all we need to be the best version of ourselves and there is NO catch! With sin there is always a catch and be aware that sin often cloaks itself in a pretty package, it often comes in the form of something you really want; The devil knows you by your name, yet calls you by your sin. God knows your sin, but calls you by your name. Let that sink in the next time you feel the itch of temptation upon you. Then fight it. Fight it with the power of our Savior and use the Word of God just as Jesus did when he was being tempted. Fight the ugly, fuming fire of the enemy with the healing, refining fire of our Holy Father and find your protection there, find your satisfaction in the Lord. Don't let sin satisfy for a moment what God promises for an eternity, "For I will restore health unto you and I will heal you of your wounds, saith the Lord" (Jeremiah 30:17). Calamine lotion doesn't have anything on God! Can I get an Amen?

Love Does Not Delight In Evil



Father, I praise Your healing power! Refine me, nuture me, heal me and set me upright in Your ways! Lead me not into temptation, but deliver me from evil! In Jesus' Holy Name, Amen!