Empty Pockets

"The traveler with empty pockets will sing in the thief's face."- Juvenal

Sometimes, emptying the pockets of my children's clothing can be an adventure. I've found rocks, pine straw, bottle caps, race cars, peanuts, lip gloss, secret notes and even one, very dehydrated lizard. All of these small treasures (even the lizard) remind me that my children are healthy and thriving, doing "kid stuff" like pros. If they are collecting moments of joy in their pockets, I have no complaint! I have to smile and think of our Heavenly Father and how He loves when we are healthy and thriving, being Christ-like in how we approach our "human stuff". The times when we put His word in our pockets and keep reaching our hands back in to feel and hold them, rubbing the most liberating ones between our fingers. I wish that those were the only things I had in my pockets, but just like my own children, I had accumulated a few items that I couldn't quite part with. And ever so gently, ever so mercifully, God asked me to take them out and let Him look at them.

I didn't want to. Those were my things, things that didn't touch the light of day, let alone the light of God.

 You see, I had a pocket full of memories that I didn't dare take out. It was so much easier to just shove other things down in there until they were jammed in the bottom. Joys and blessings, nestled atop thorns and shards. The sharp objects seemed to always find their way to the top though,so that when I did reach down in there, I'd come back with an injury more often than I'd like to admit. I realized that although I have accepted Christ in my heart, although I know and believe there is only one, true God; I still held on to a belief that there were parts of me that God didn't want. So I kept those parts hidden and buried way down and not only did I accept the lie that Jesus couldn't or wouldn't want to heal them, I was foolish enough to believe that I could keep them. The Holy Spirit said, "Let me hear your story". God said, "Empty your pockets and lets take a look at these things. Together." Not now Father,  they hurt too much. Please anything, but that. Don't make me go back, I will be okay, I promise. My story felt like home to me. My story would be like a literal hell to anyone else. "Good", He said. "What better place to start?"

I had a decision to make. Would I continue to hide these things and let them injure me? Would He really be there to look at these things with me? Why now? Would He still love me? Yes, I became one of little faith over these things and that is when I realized that I wouldn't dare question God if He asked me to do something good and help someone else. I remembered God's promises. I remembered the person of Jesus Christ and how he delivered a demon possessed Mary Magdalene who became one of His most faithful disciples. I remembered the bleeding woman. The woman at the well. For the first time, I believed that God's promises were meant for me and that if He was asking me to do this, He had a reason. After much prayer and deliberation, I finally saw that He wanted me to speak His truth into the dead bones cluttering the graveyard of my past. My Father wanted me to go back to each place with Him and examine it. So, I poured my story out and as I did I noticed each shard reflect the lies that were attached to them. I spoke His truth over each one as I felt my Savior come closer and closer, offering His strength to move from one to the next. I understood why we must confess our sins before God, because sometimes those sins don't originate as our own. Sometimes they are sins others committed against us that we ingest and shackle ourselves to when we believe the lies attached to them. They become ours when we nurture a spirit of ambivalence, hopelessness and fear. They bind us to them and restrain us from truly knowing Jesus Christ. True shackles clasped upon us that start to feel so comfortable that we forget they are there. Until... Until someone tries to embrace us and then the shackles dig in and rub us raw, reminding us of how they got there to begin with, reminding us of how we have been bled out of trust and worthiness a long time before. We push the tender gesture away with a look of longing, rub a balm of protection on the wound and keep enough distance that the wound can scab over. Again.

Jesus Christ came to set me free. Too many times I turned Him away when He tried to tell me, "I can heal that too...". Too many times I turned my face away in shame and re-adjusted the shackles. This time, I reluctantly met His gaze. Looking into the face of mercy I said, "I am ready."

All this time of simply nursing the symptoms of pain has come to pass. I went to the source of the pain, I went deep into the locking mechanism and with the strength of God and The Kingdom of Heaven upon me, I was freed. Jesus wasn't willing to watch me lead others to him while I remained comfortable in the hell of my own past and I had to expose every painful memory to His light. In Heaven's wake, in each of those memories, I took that little girl and loved her until she knew that Joy is the truth. Hope is the truth and that she can believe in the Mightiest Protector and Redeemer that man has ever known. I went to that young woman and showed her that even when she felt condemned to a life of brokenness, God was preparing her for a life of purpose. His purpose.

And now, I rebuke every lie the enemy has ever told me and when he comes again to try to reopen the wounds, they won't be there. Jesus washed them clean in His mercy. The lies will fall like arrows without a point, missing their intended target every single time. I finally know that I am living from a place of victory, not hoping for it. I will sing a song of victory in the thief's face, I will proclaim God's redemption with every breath. And when I run out of breath, I will rest in knowing that those around me have heard the same songs and truths and that a legacy of hope will be passed down from me, not a legacy of shame. I thought I had to go to the source of the pain to heal and what I overlooked is that I needed to go to the source of all creation to heal; My One True God. He was always bigger than all of it and never again will I approach Him with small faith in His works. 

I admit this here and now, I knew that I had been delivered and had become a new creation in Christ, but because of my own inability to hope, I accepted this one, destructive thought; my insecurities were just a part of who I am and that I was destined to live with them forever. What kind of poppycock is that? Christ didn't hang on a cross in battered pieces and shreds so I could condemn myself to always feeling unworthy. He didn't want me to grab on to the end of his garments in hopes that He might not notice that I was hanging out trying to pick up the crumbs. Jesus Christ wants my heart, boldly. He wants me to know that He is the author of an ever challenging, ever elusive word for me. Hope. I guarded against it for far too long because of those lies I shackled myself to and when God met me at that last memory, I finally heard: 

 "For who is God, but the Lord? And who is a rock except our God? The God who equipped me with strength and made my way blameless, He made my feet like the feet of a deer and set me secure on the heights. He trains my hands for war, so that my arms can bend a bow of bronze. You have given me the shield of your salvation, and your right hand supported me, and your gentleness made me great. You gave me a wide place for my steps under me, and my feet did not slip. I pursued my enemies and overtook them, and did not turn back till they were consumed."Psalm 18:31-37.

God equipped me for hope from my first breath. Now, after my Savior has presented me blameless in front of my Father, my story will become a beacon and I am a vessel, willing to shine that light as far and as bright as HIS might. For the first time in my entire life, my pockets are empty of shame and my heart is full of hope. Father, I receive that these hind's feet are going high places. Thank you for it all. 

Oh, those shackles? This morning, with his arm wrapped around me in love and support, my best friend, the one person on Earth who looked at those shards with me, knelt at the altar with me and I laid those busted shackles down. For good. 

And God met me there.

"And we all with unveiled faces, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit" 
2 Corinthians 3:10 (ESV)

Divine Intervention

I knew this was going to be an odd week, but having an entire blog post *poof* was not even on my radar. My sincere apologies to my subscribers who may have stopped by to check out my new post, only to find a half-written draft or no post at all. My even more sincere apologies to anyone who was offended by either, everything I write is done with love. Immense love for those who haven't found the overflowing grace and mercy of our Savior, Jesus Christ. Truth-filled love for those who have, I hope.

Peace be with you. God's got this.


Love Does Not Delight In Evil

How To Breathe

I want a crazy, out of control love. A hot, pursuing, engulfing kind of love.

A reckless leap across a chasm into the unknown, a tailspin into bliss where the only place I can land is in HIS arms kind of love. 

I want this love for my Savior. God has it for me and the proof of that love hung on a cross in torn and hanging flesh, a crown of thorns upon His glorious head. In the beautiful and destroyed form of a man, love took its last breath and since then, we've all been gasping for it. 

I want to love Jesus in such an involuntary way that it comes as naturally as breathing. Maybe that's what Heaven is all about. Involuntary surrender to a love so incredibly cleansing and fulfilling, that you just take deep, measured breaths of the stuff and never get full of it. The people in your path, love. Instant love. The people in your peripheral, boom, love again. Never a reason not to, never a way out of it, not the first doubt about how or why. Every breath, a suspended moment of gratitude, greater than the one before. Can you imagine? No strife. No judgement. Not a word of condemnation uttered. Hard to even comprehend on an Earth so hell bent on getting it's own way. No pun intended. What we experience here is like struggling to breathe, drowning in "stuff" and just when you break the surface to catch a breath, someone else tries to push you back under. Most of the time they don't mean to, but they are so panicked over their own "stuff" that they don't even realize they are holding your head under. I already want to go back to that place up there, my chest feels heavy thinking about here. 

This is when I need that tailspin the most. When I feel like I can't breathe from the effort of trying to get my head above water. Right now, what I need most is that involuntary love that sends me headlong towards Jesus and the only thing I can do is crash into Him and hold on for dear life. Again, no pun intended. The real truth, the one I should rejoice in, is that I need that all of the time. I am really good at convincing myself that I've got this though. Pppsshhhaww, no big deal. This life stuff, it's a cake walk. Put our burdens on Jesus and just float along. You can and you will, so long as you don't wrench it back from Him and sure, you'll find me on my knees, praying for and about whatever thing I have convinced myself I need. You'll hear me flood praises on High for the countless blessings in my life. You'll see me serving and helping those around me, continually seeking the moment when I've got it just right. Some days, you can even find me teaching others to lean into Jesus with everything they've got and pouring words straight from the well of the Holy Spirit right into their lives. But where I struggle is in all of those in-betweens, that's when I want to love Him most and that is when it is the hardest. That's where I want to grow, I want to learn how to breathe again. I want to breathe Him. 

It is easy to adore Christ when you are doing the things He wants you to do. It's hard to gush and cherish Him when you have a puking kid, bills to pay and people unknowingly pushing your head back under their drowning point. And in the mundane, I fall asleep. I forget about mustard seeds and mountains, blind men and lepers. I forget to look for the myriad of miracles in the every day and therefore, forget to breathe the very life of the one who gave all for me. What's beautiful about this, what's amazing about Christ is that He loves me anyways. Right in the middle of my little mess, He's there beaming at me when all I can say is, "I suck" and mean it. He's there, piggy-backing me to the washing machine when I am sore at my kids and don't feel like messing with one more dirty sock. At night, while I am tearfully and silently lamenting the empty spot next to me, He is there wondering when His love will be enough, but tucking me in anyways, with a sweet prayer of mercy to our Father. Jesus sees me and doesn't see a single mom with messy kids, a car that's well past needing serviced and an account balance that would make most cringe. He sees me and its all love, it is all mercy. It is nothing short of Glorious. My Savior sees me serving when the most noble thing I have done all day is to remind my kids to brush their teeth. 

My mundane is God's miracle. My ordinary is His supernatural. My tedious, task-oriented day, is his harvest work. Let me see that, let me embrace that. Let me guard my heart and all that flows from it with this one, gentle reminder; Grace is my portion. Mercy is my portion. Love is pursuing me, consuming me, jealous for me and engulfing me right now. Jesus Christ bought and secured my future and there's no devil in hell that will keep me from it. Okay, so maybe not so gentle, but with the authority of Christ in me, I choose God's promises. I choose reckless love, wild love and to recognize the extraordinary in the ordinary. I choose this life, running in all abandon towards Christ. And you know what? He calls me chosen. God sees me and in spite of myself, he says I'm precious, adored, treasured and refuses to let me settle for anything short of that. So yeah, I am going to love this life, voluntarily, until the day God calls me home and I take that first fulfilling breath of victory, In Jesus.

Hallelujah.

The greatest of these, is love. 

Slaying Dragons With Love

Memories haunt us, they are the real ghosts of the past. Why fear haints and phantoms when memories can hurt you more than any specter? The echoes of things we can never go back to, the flashes of times we want to forget. One of my most painful memories to date is a small one, yet it can steal my breath and whisper words of defeat into my heart. Me, 10 years old, chubby, scabby-kneed and strong-willed, sitting on the curb and completely determined that my Dad was going to love me enough this time to pick me up like he'd promised to. If he comes this time he DOES love me. Seconds turned into minutes, minutes into hours. My Mom, pacing anxiously in the living room; every so often I would see her peeking out at me with that look on her face. The look that knew he wasn't coming and that she'd suffer because of it. The look that knew I was going to take it all out on her because my 10 year old mind didn't know how to direct anger, rejection and humiliation. She was always the one who took the brunt of it, never him. Never the one who deserved it. The fear of doing anything that would keep him from coming back at all was too great and when you go begging for any little scrap of love, any little leftover thing, you try to be just right and just lovable enough. Don't be bad, don't say anything that will make him go away again. I didn't care if I hurt her, deep in my heart I knew she would cry about it; shedding tears of defeat herself. He defeated both of us, left her alone and broken to raise a little girl who would break a million times over in the wake. Everyone I love leaves me. We were in it together, my mom and I. I hated her for it. He isn't coming because of her. I blamed her because I didn't know any better. Sometimes, she hated me too and she would tell me so. She doesn't love me either, I'm NOT lovable. That night in particular, this memory in particular, reveals something I hadn't considered in all of my adult years. My mama loved me just like Jesus asks us to love one another. When it was not easy. Even through the ugly words and emotions, she loved me. When I wanted to hide away with my wounds of shame and anger, she loved me. I'm so ugly. NOBODY wants me. She loved me when I was unlovable and even in all of her broken ways, she wore my pain, she took my lashes of misdirected hurt. Let me love like she did. Let me love like Jesus does.

I spoke of wounds in my previous post, but very superficially. I've yet to see any uglier wounds than those children inflict upon themselves when the most important man in their life on Earth tosses them aside with little regard. The worst part about them? They fester. They grow. They destroy. They have the ability to infect. Show me a fatherless child and I will show you exactly where the wound is. It is a huge gaping hole in the marrow of their being. It burns and sizzles at the sound of father/daughter dances or Donuts for Dads. I will be sick that day. It throbs with pain at the sight of Father's Day cards or an empty mailbox on their birthday. He forgot again. It splits wide open during the times they need a strong shoulder to cry on and the reassurance that they are beautiful and loved. Even God forgot about me, I'm so alone. Over time they learn to exist with the pain, but they don't really live. My daughter is now one of those kids. Yes, you read that right. And the legacy of pain stops now. The devil, that delirious dragon, has lost his stronghold in my family tree.  

Yesterday, my beautiful and so vulnerable 15 year old posted something on Facebook that made my heart stop. 15 Things All Dads Of Daughters Should Know. Before clicking the link, I took a deep breath and said a small prayer. What I read re-opened a wound, but this cut so much deeper because I never wanted to infect my daughter with this. Father, forgive me. How do I heal her, this most precious gift I have ever received in the form of a girl? What do I do?  Let me love you like Jesus does, my sweet girl. Allow me to share with you what your Heavenly Father wants you to know, what He promises you. Let's heal together, baby girl. You and me. 

You Are Always Loved

Even when you don't love yourself, the choices you've made, the mistakes you've made or the ways you feel about certain people, God loves you right now. In the middle of any mess you might make, He loves you right where you are. Flat on your face. Hiding in shame. Broken by the world. He LOVES you when you can't find love for anything or anyone else. No. Matter. What. Turn to God, keep your eyes locked with our Savior Jesus' and you'll feel it. There's not a man walking the planet that can love you like this, poets and writers, movies and songs; they will never touch this kind of love. Don't try to replace it, embrace it. 

You Will Always Have The People You Need

Every person in your life is there for a reason. Whether it is to grow you, stretch you, test you, knock you down, lift you up or all things in between, God is Sovereign. There are no coincidences, Every moment of your life is already written in His book of your life. Listen when it doesn't feel right, don't ignore discomfort in the presence of anyone, it is His way of growing you strong enough to turn away from those the devil will use to hurt you and shake your faith. He will bring you the help, guidance, support and encouragement you so desperately want in many forms, in many different people. Trust Him. 

Listen To The Songs He Sings Over You

The music you connect with, it has a lot to do with the things you're dealing with and can be a very healthy outlet. Sometimes it can keep you stuck on a moment or in a feeling that God wants you to let go of. No matter what, give yourself the gift of listening to a song that sings of His love for you. I don't care if it isn't the "cool" thing to do, I don't care if you would rather be a wallflower at your own pity party, find a song or a hymn that will reconnect you to Him and play it loud. On repeat. And if appropriate, sing it out loud. Raise your arms to him and listen. God will always meet you in worship, He will always lift you from the darkness of a memory if you'll just listen to the songs He sings over you. Just find a way, and if you can't; make one.

Observe How He Treats Your Mom

Our Heavenly father is the provider of all of our needs; this is especially important to understand in a world that is bent on twisting your morals and values and will sell you out on hollow promises. Especially important if you're from a broken home and your earthly father isn't in the picture to set the standard of how a woman should be treated and valued. Your value, in God's eyes, is beyond measure. Sometimes it will be difficult to feel love, to feel worthy of love or that God has any love for you. I'm here to tell you; He ALWAYS loves you. More than I and that's hard. Don't spend too much time trying on who you are sweet girl. Find your identity as a child of a Sovereign God; as chosen and worthy by our Savior. Too many people will try to bend you too their ideals, learn who you are in God's promises and if you find that you can't believe in that; remember what God has done in me. Think about how powerfully Christ transformed my life and know beyond a shadow of a doubt that the same overflowing love and joy is always available to you. See how He loves and values me and let Him do the same to you.

You Can Always Come Home

I won't even pretend to know what God has in store for you, but I will be so bold as to say this, He is going to use you in great and mighty ways. Your strengths and gifts, which are uniquely yours, will be a blessing to all who encounter you. This will make you a target, sometimes people will want to throw a shadow over that radiant light and you will face storms but do not lose heart. Even if you lose your way momentarily, look for light in even the smallest of ways. Equip yourself with scripture, put on the full Armor of God and be prepared to fight negativity, small minds and ulterior motives. Jesus is always a breath away, just say His Holy name and let Him guide you back home. He won't let you get too far, simply because I will ALWAYS cover you with prayer, its the strongest weapon I've ever encountered and don't think I will ever leave you wide open in this world. Not for a second.

Exercise Your Faith Muscles

Some days, you will feel really worn down and spread thin by this world. I've found that the more tired/hungry/hormonal I am, the worse everything feels. As a woman, we are emotional beings and our hormones can wreak some real havoc on our thoughts, bodies and even our prayer/worship time. Take care of your body, exercise it and nourish it and your mind won't seem so weak. If you truly can't find the energy or motivation, pray. God can really show his Grace and Mercy during these times and He loves when you come to Him in prayer asking for strength. Sometimes, its all I can do to whisper, "Jesus, I need you", but He has never let me down. He won't let you down either. Rest when you feel overwhelmed and hand your worries to Jesus, He will carry them for you when you feel your knees starting to buckle, our Savior is the ultimate gentleman and your faith will grown substantially when you learn this. Learn to take care of yourself and give the Glory to God that you have all you need to do so!

Count Your Blessings, Daily

Keep a journal, or simple reminders of the ways God has blessed you so far. Take time every day to look at the ways He has carried your through or delivered you untouched from a storm. Think of the small victories in your daily life and give the credit where it is due! This will keep you in touch with how much Jesus loves you, how our Father goes before you to give you tokens of His unconditional love. This will serve as a helpful tool during the times when you can't find a good thing to say or think. Don't believe in coincidences, believe that God always connects the dots and when those dots lead His precious daughter to a blessing, all of Heaven rejoices.

Humble Your Heart

As a beautiful, intelligent and gifted young woman, you will encounter rivalry and contention. You will seem like a threat to the insecure. Don't ever use these gifts to make anyone else feel poorly about themselves. Learn to let your beauty shine from the inside, humble your heart before God and thank Him for who you are. Never boast that you have anything better to offer than anyone else and don't ever turn your back on anyone because of how they look or because they act differently than what the world considers "normal". Jesus came to heal the sick, the sinners. It is not our responsibility to shame anyone, we are called to be a reflection of Him, don't mistake that as being anything other than a servant. And always serve with love. Please, don't ever believe that you are owed anything by anyone, rather believe in the loving Savior of Jesus Christ who secured our place in God's Kingdom. This world isn't going to spin off it's axis because of you, but you will rock the world because of Christ in you.

He's Always There

Live your life like Jesus is always in the room with you. Because He is. No matter what kind of performance you put on, there is always God; audience of one. Bring Him the applause.


The Greatest of These, Is Love

You can't do anything to escape it. You cannot find a human being who will show it to you the way your Father will. You'll try. You will look at someone someday and think, "it can't get any better than this". It does. God wants you to know His love, your Father wants to show you just how much love you deserve and He is jealous, He is all consuming and He wants to come first in your heart. Trust in Him, my girl. Trust that His love is the greatest thing you will ever experience and nothing can or ever will get any better than it. Listen for His voice, let Him sing over you, let Him be your shelter. I won't always be here, but I promise you this; He will. Read your Bible. You won't find any lists or bulleted articles about how to live, but you will find everything you thought you were missing. You'll discover the Truth. The Way. The Life.

I love you, Maddy Cakes.


Love Never Ends

God's First Aid Kit

This morning, I wrote this for my favorite ladies in the world; my sisters in Christ where I "formally" serve the Lord every Sunday. Y'all I say formally lightly, we are a come-as-you-are bunch and there's not a lick of formality involved in it! It tickles me to think of any of us trying to approach anything acting like something other than ourselves, we are just real women trying to survive in this crazy world! Anyhow, we have a weekly email devotional that we send 'round and I often find myself so encouraged when words that are meant to lift up reach my inbox. God gives us so many beautiful gifts and the fellowship and support of our family in Christ is the most treasured, in my opinion. People often confuse church with religion and more often than not, overlook the power of the relationships that are the cornerstones of faith. This is a family that God built, in His image, to scatter the Good News of Jesus Christ.  All are welcome, come as you are. Ya know, just in case you thought you needed a "formal" invitation. I hope you enjoy and guys, if you're reading this, just substitute shoes for hunting/fishing gear or whatever your "thing" is!

Here it is:

There are often times when I am dealing with patients and I have to be firm in one command with them; "Don't pick, pull or scratch that itch while you're healing! Let the new skin grow in without injury so you won't end up with a nasty scar!". It seems kind of silly to have to remind grown people of this all of the time, but it reminds me of just how easy it is for us to give in to temptation. How quick we are to "scratch an itch" when temptation creeps in.

Recently in our Sunday School class, we were discussing the different means the devil uses to get to us, the ways he fools us into thinking we want what he has to offer more than what God promises us. The most lethal weapon that the enemy uses to shake us with is discouragement, if he can cause us to doubt, sisters he will! He will make us doubt our way right into believing that we will feel better by something in our pantry that we know doesn't nourish our bodies, by making us believe that a new pair of shoes we can't afford will fix all that ails us. Often he will cause our tongues to say things about others' short comings to make ourselves feel "better" and other times he will convince you that you can never truly be yourself because nobody will love or accept you and all of your scars. The worst, when you look in the mirror and he convinces you that God got it wrong and you don't love what you see staring back at you. In these times, it's so tempting to find unhealthy ways to scratch an itch of loneliness and despair.  In these times it is easy to forget about the rainbows God has hidden in the storms or that our Sovereign doesn't make mistakes and that you are truly as precious as rubies and a beauty to behold. Wounds included.

We all have wounds and under the steady hand of our Healer, listen when I say that He doesn't want us to pick, pull or scratch at what He's mending, ladies. "My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness" (2 Corinthians 12:9). Stop trying to put band-aids and ointments on these wounds, stop trying to cover up your weakness and let GOD be GOD. Let Him work in your life by sharing your weakness, let others know where you struggle, pray without ceasing and let Him bring you the relief you seek. Do not be discouraged! Let the strength of Jesus, who endured it all, be your strength. If we can fight the voice of the enemy, the discouragement that sneaks in to steal our joy, we can heal ourselves of all things! Jesus died on the Cross, suffered wounds unimaginable to our minds so that we wouldn't have to live with the pain of them. Hallelujah, what a Savior!!

Life here on Earth, it's tough. Everywhere we turn, there are "7 Steps to a Better You" or "Lose 9lbs By Tomorrow". Constant messages that we aren't good enough, right where we are. The world is out to buy your soul with a 30 day guarantee, shipping and handling not included. It hurts. It wounds. Let it stop HERE. Stop buying into empty promises, stop listening to the voices that will tell you that you have to be anything other than YOU, because they all wound you. Here's my soundest advice for preventing wounds; be encouraged. Jesus already declared victory over all of these afflictions. The Bible gives us all we need to be the best version of ourselves and there is NO catch! With sin there is always a catch and be aware that sin often cloaks itself in a pretty package, it often comes in the form of something you really want; The devil knows you by your name, yet calls you by your sin. God knows your sin, but calls you by your name. Let that sink in the next time you feel the itch of temptation upon you. Then fight it. Fight it with the power of our Savior and use the Word of God just as Jesus did when he was being tempted. Fight the ugly, fuming fire of the enemy with the healing, refining fire of our Holy Father and find your protection there, find your satisfaction in the Lord. Don't let sin satisfy for a moment what God promises for an eternity, "For I will restore health unto you and I will heal you of your wounds, saith the Lord" (Jeremiah 30:17). Calamine lotion doesn't have anything on God! Can I get an Amen?

Love Does Not Delight In Evil



Father, I praise Your healing power! Refine me, nuture me, heal me and set me upright in Your ways! Lead me not into temptation, but deliver me from evil! In Jesus' Holy Name, Amen!

Peter, Paul and Mathetria the Prequel

Its not a secret that I am a bit on the nosy side. Not in a harmful way, at least I hope. I just crave knowledge and information, I think in a very 4-D, hi-def, pixalated kind of way. Some of my favorite memories of my childhood are of the "a-ha!!" moments I had while studying all manners of flora and fauna. I was a bit of wildlife geek as a child and spent hours reading encyclopedias and any Zoobook, National Geographic or Ranger Rick that I could get my hands on. I was an avid dinosaur fossil hunter and still get excited about digging stuff up, even if I've never found the first trilobite. Those predated megabites and are not even remotely related for those of you who have an extra appendage called a smart phone. Anyhow, I can remember the first time I ever raised the eyebrow of a clergy member (it has happened more than once) at the ripe age of 5 years old. My then step-father was Catholic and did his level-headed best of putting up with my unending questions, but there was one burning in me that I just couldn't find an acceptable answer for. I remember weaving my way through adults after Mass one morning until I finally found Father McCall and mustered the courage to yank on his robe. I was met with a puzzled look and was questioned about being lost (so much irony here). The next thing I know, I'm blurting out, "How come the Bible doesn't say anything about dinosaurs, but we have proof that they were here?". Somewhere in the distance I heard my step-dad groan and while I stood there and waited for a response from ol' sourpuss, it never occurred to me that it was "frowned upon" for a young lady to ask such things. Needless to say, my question wasn't answered then or for another 20 years. If you want the answer, I like chewy, oatmeal raisin cookies. Quid Pro Quo, darlins.

Today, I was spending a little time in Bible study (which is met with even more fervor than I ever showed a National Geographic) and was on a quest to understand Paul a little more which lead me back to one of my favorite dudes in the Bible, Peter. The Holy Spirit was leading the way and its no coincidence there, I often find my way back to Peter, he was the first apostle that I had the warm fuzzies for, in all of his earnest impulsiveness, you truly can't help but be proud to have him as a brother in Christ. Haven't ever thought about it that way? If you're a believer, you better! On the off chance that you aren't and you haven't met Peter yet, please do yourself a favor; get a Bible and start at Luke 5 and enjoy where the Gospel takes you, the Holy Spirit will lead you on the adventure of your life! So....where was I? Peter and Paul, formerly Saul. Yeah. I was reading and came across this account in the book of Acts that I remember reading once before, but this time The Holy Spirit drew some parallels that wouldn't have made sense the first time I read it. 

So, Acts 9:36 tells of a woman named Tabitha, in a place called Joppa (a port town in Israel) who was a disciple of Christ, meaning that she was a student of the teachings of Christ (Christianity wasn't established as a word yet and disciple means "student") who spent most of her time tending to the needs of widows and it was known that she "was full of good works and acts of charity". Tabitha died and was laid to rest in an "upper room" as was the custom of the time, it was believed that the body would be closer to God if it was lifted into a room that wasn't on the "Earthly" ground floor. Makes some sense, right? Anyhow, someone in her inner circle decided to send for Peter who was visiting in nearby Lydda. Nearby back them meant a 12 mile walk, just so you know. Upon hearing the news, of course Peter made the trek and found the widows, who Tabitha had so lovingly sewn tunics for, standing around weeping and mourning. Mourning back then included a lot of wailing, sobbing, tearing of clothing and a bunch of carrying on in general. Typically the louder folks wailed for you, the more loved you were. Tabitha was known as a woman of good repute, in fact in the original Greek, she is described as "mathetria" which is translated into "female disciple" and it is the only use of this word in the New Testament. I get the feeling that Tabitha was loved a great deal and the display of mourning was probably quite a racket! So, in an effort to focus on The Holy Spirit, Peter put the widows and other mourners outside and knelt down and prayed (with his back toward the body, it is believed this helped him stay focused on the Holy Trinity) and then turned to the body and said, "Tabitha, arise.". You know what?! She opened her eyes. She took a breath. Tabitha returned from the dead. WHAT?  Peter offers Tabitha a hand and helps her stand and he calls to everyone and shows them that this woman is indeed, alive. Now, what's cool about this, is that in the book of Acts it doesn't get all crazy with needless foreshadowing or dramatic climaxes; quite simply put, the people see she is alive and they believe in Christ. Tabitha was reborn and returned to her community, which is no coincidence either. Because that's how Peter and company rolled. They performed the miracles of Christ, through Christ and in His Holy Name and people accepted our Savior. Why can't people be like that anymore??! Someone can die on an operating table and then come back and everyone celebrates the physicians and it gets turned into a book, followed by a movie and there are still people who can't see that it was God, y'all!! 

Miracles are being performed every day, but in our fleshy little worlds, we just shrug our shoulders and say, "Eh, that was a cool trick.", much to the dismay of our Creator. God isn't some wizard in the sky, God is not an entity that is waiting on our approval of His "tricks" to accept Him! There is no slight of hand with our Sovereign, there is no smoke and mirrors. He is the Great I am and because He loves us, he will perform MIRACLES in our lives that do not require a behind-the-scenes documentary to be recognized. What they require is your acknowledgement. They require that you see with a fresh set of eyes. Jesus said, "Truly, truly I say to you, unless one is born again he cannot see the Kingdom of God" John 3:3. Have you considered that maybe it's time to be born again to the Kingdom of God? If you've reached a point in your life where all you believe in is what you can see with your Earthly eyes, you're the perfect candidate and I nominate you to be the first one out of the boat. No lights, no cameras, no $500,000 prize, no fame. You get eternal life. You get Joy, Peace, Love, Hope, Freedom. You get a brand new life, led by the greatest gift you can receive in the world, The Holy Spirit. Just like Tabitha, I found a new life. Much like Tabitha, I found my new life in an "upper room". There wasn't a big showy exit from my old life. One night a very broken woman climbed the stairs to her bedroom and collapsed on the floor and begged God to take her life. Saying, "Please take it from me, I don't know how to do this anymore". Just me and Him. In my "upper room". No audience, it wasn't needed. He met me right where I was, at His feet. I died to the ways of this world and was born a Gospel Girl, with a fresh set of eyes set on The Kingdom of God. What a loving God He is! There wasn't a question I had to answer, He simply picked me up and said "Do you not know how much I love you, Talitha?" and has spent every day since showing me in miraculous ways. In hindsight, I see a million ways He was showing me even before that, that He was always with me. But, did you happen to notice the name He spoke to me at the end of the sentence? Epic "A-HA!!" moment. It isn't my given name. I didn't know what it meant until I looked it up, it is Aramaic for "little girl". If you replace the "l" with a "b" it become Tabitha. Which means "Gazelle" in Greek. You ever seen a gazelle run? It's as fast as the wind blows. This little girl is running at Her Father, swiftly and gracefully into His loving arms.  He was waiting a long time for me to come Home. He's waiting on you too, pinkie promise. 

"Truly, truly I say to you, unless one is born of water and the Spirit, he cannot enter the Kingdom of God. That which is born of the flesh is flesh and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit. Do not marvel that I said to you, "You must be born again". The wind blows where it wishes and you hear its sound but you do not know where it comes from or where it goes. So it is with everyone who is born of the Spirit." John 3:5-8

Historical sidenote: After Peter raised Tabitha, he decided to stay in Joppa for a few days and then realized that "God shows no partiality" and began his mission of not only converting Jews to Christianity, but Gentiles as well. Was he successful? Duh. Get out your Bible and read the story!!!

Love Rejoices With The Truth

Wide Left Turns of Joy

I don't know if anyone noticed, but Gospel Girl started strong and has kind of slipped off the radar here lately. There is one thing I know, the enemy smiles when we are up to our ears in work, but he trembles when we pray; when we take a stand and claim our identities as children of the Almighty God, satan has to leave at the sound of His Great Name. Jesus Christ gave His life so that we may have life abundantly and I start with all of this to say; I'm here to stay. I may only have a few precious moments right now, but I won't allow anything to get in the way of the work God has started in me! So, all together now, even if under your breath just say it, "Jesus". Now we can move on to a brief summary of how come this blog took so long to post!

There has been a lot of activity in the life of Gospel Girl. This has been a season of change and growth for me and just when I think I get a handle on one thing, God leads me to something else. I praise Him and the wisdom He so lovingly shares with his precious children! See, I had two other posts that are still sitting in my "drafts" pile which would've made for good posts, but I think I clued everyone in at the start that I can't phone it in. My heart was in what I was writing, I thought it was pretty funny and somewhat thought provoking stuff, don't get me wrong. The Holy Spirit wasn't jiving with it though and so I decided to pray about it until I got the green light. Which came this morning. This is a pretty huge accomplishment for your impatient, high-metabolism having sister! One of my greatest struggles is letting go and letting God. How many times have I entered into prayer with an earnest desire for God's will to manifest in my life, but on my timeframe? Oh, the times I have asked for answers and when I didn't get them as quickly as Google could deliver, I just threw my hands up and continued to do whatever it is I hadn't heard back on yet! Have you done this?

How merciful God must be to put up with our demands. Any of you have children? Know children? Seen children on tv? Surely you've heard of them. They are smallish people with big demands and typically do not possess a whole bunch of patience or practical been-around-awhile knowledge to keep them from falling off of roofs or setting the house on fire. I know a few who would like to think they know more than I do, in fact I know a certain four year old who is the greatest back seat driver that ever was. One morning after delivering his brother to the bus stop, I asked little bossy bones if he wanted to sit in my lap and steer us back to the house since apparently he wasn't quite impressed with my 6:30 a.m. driving ability that got us there. With a huge grin that read let-me-show-you-how-it-is-done, bossy bones got in my lap and gripped the steering will and said, "Mom, push the gas!". I assured him that I was letting him steer without any help, which worked out momentarily as the street we were on was a straight shot. When we stopped at the stop sign and then started to turn the corner, I noticed that bossy bones wasn't turning left hard enough and calmly said, "Sweet stuff, you have to turn harder!", to which he replied, "you have to go faster!". I explained that if we went faster, we would end up in the yard of some poor soul who wasn't counting on their lawn being used as a learning tool that quiet morning. I was met with a fierce stubbornness that possibly could be a genetic trait and as we made a very wide left turn and ran aground on said neighbor's lawn, bossy bones started shouting "Stop Mama!!!". A few moments of frustration followed and a humble little boy looked at me with big crocodile tears and said, "I don't want to drive anymore." What we agreed on from that point is that he would drive, but only under my guidance. After we made it home safely and without disturbing the lawns of any of our other unsuspecting neighbors, it occured to me that the lesson learned was more for me and not little bossy bones. How many times has God lovingly tried to steer me and how many times have I gripped the wheel and argued that I know what I'm doing?

 I've ran aground on circumstances a lot less innocent than perfectly manicured grass and there Jesus was, patiently and so lovingly waiting for me to admit that I didn't know at all how to drive. Not God's way anyhow. Submission to the will of our Father is difficult and all we have to do is remember Jesus praying in Gethsemane to remind of  just how difficult it is. Our savior, Jesus Christ, knew that he was staring down death at the hands of sinners and said "Abba Father all things are possible for you. Remove this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will".  Mark 14:32. The struggle of the flesh is a very real thing, it is weak! In the flesh, Jesus asked if there was any way around what was about to happen, but knew that it was God's will and accepted death FOR US and I know I have mentioned it before, but even as he hung there dying asked God to forgive us sinners because we did not know any better!! What love is this?! Christ showed us that no matter what we face, if we accept God's will "For those who love God all things work together for good." Romans 8:28. Good. Don't you want good?? I do! What's so amazing about this is that anyone who has accepted His will find that it goes beyond good. Joy is what you will find. Pure Joy, thick and sweet enough to ice a cake with, will surface in your life and you won't have a vocabulary elaborate enough to explain it. It eclipses all affliction with His Glory.

I want to challenge you to look at a situation in your life where you are gripping the steering will so tight that your hands hurt from the effort of it. Now, try this; slide over to the passenger seat and say "Look God, no hands. Take me where You need me to go!". Let Him drive for you and just enjoy the ride.


Thank you for continuing to allow me to share my heart with all of you. Joy be with you.

Love Does Not Demand Its Own Way.

Sheep Climbing Trees and Other Cool Tricks

Exoskeletons. Those creepy, shell carcass things that you find littered all over the South Eastern part of the United States after the Cicadas have hatched out. They look almost exactly like the bug itself but really it is just an empty shell of what it was and I have never quite figured out how it stays intact while a big 'ol flying critter busts out of it. Occasionally, I will admit that I like to use one to prank the kids and leave the thing perched atop the front door handle and wait for the inevitable freak out and screams. This never fails to entertain me. Hey, I'm a Gospel Girl, I never claimed to be a saint. What is so nifty about these exoskeletons is the metaphor I'm about to use, because I'm just clever that way. They represent that growth took place. Simple as that. They are a visual testimony of development and change, leaving behind what was no longer needed so that a newer, bigger, faster, stronger version can emerge and live. Now don't skip ahead to the conclusion already, because there are so many neat tricks between here and there and you might miss out on a lesson in unbelievably cool ways God shows His love. Yes, I am using bug carcasses to demonstrate.

I wonder if those Cicadas know what is happening and just hold so, so, sooooo still and wait for the big shed or if there is some kind of frantic, frenzied freaking out that takes place in their little buggy brains?  I can tell you how I used to approach those times of growth. Can you guess? "What's happening?! I have to know, OMGGGG, what is going on? I just HAVE to know, right now, right now, right now!!!". Followed by a variety mix of bad coping mechanisms including but not limited to; denial, avoidance, overbearingness, defeat, defensive strategies. You name it, if I was sitting on the verge of something that I thought was going to be uncomfortable, which growth can often be, I was an expert in buggy-brained freak outs and behavior. Often times it was because I was used to how "the world" had taught me to deal with things, an anemic legacy of a diseased family structure. What I knew is that chaos always preceded change and that change had left me on my own way too many times. It was very difficult for me to acknowledge growth as something positive in many instances, especially when I felt that no other option existed. So, how do I define growth? Anything in your life that takes you out of your comfort zone, pushes you to make a decision that is difficult, or reroutes your usual path of least resistance for your greater good. This is why Jesus told parables. Just for people like me, pretty stinking good chance for people like you too, simply because we are inclined to not only walk that path of least resistance, often times we go whistling Dixie down it. Think about it. Chances are if someone walked up to you right now and said, "Hey friend, guess what? Your house is going to burn down and you're about to lose everything in it, but you're going to learn how to live beneath your means for once and your family is going to bond and realize the good out in the world by the ways people try to help you rebuild!" you'd not welcome your house burning down just to grow in financial discipline, learn the love of community or just how much you and your familymembers need one another. I doubt you'd welcome the opportunity of perspective there, but ask anyone who has been through such a disaster and chances are they learned something epic because of it. Found the "silver lining".That's called growth. That's why the term "growing pains" (I'm rocking the clichés today!) gets thrown around. It doesn't always feel so great. It is easy during those times to feel like you're being punished or that God isn't seeing you or hearing your prayers and resort to buggy-brained freaking out, but this is when He is closest. This is when we should rejoice! No, I'm not bat-poop crazy; I am a believer in God's crazy love for us! When all is lost, we are in the perfect position to find Him and the most awesome flip side to this is that He is looking for us. Not in a casual, "I wonder what Gospel Girl is up to these days" kind of way. No, God's way of locating a lost lamb is beyond anything even this never-at-a-loss-for-words girl can explain. It's equal parts passion, mercy, providence, grace, love and a fierce burning desire to reunite the lost one with it's Shepherd lest that lamb be lost to the crippling, debilitating life that sin will enslave you in. Remember those parables I mentioned?!! Luke 15:4, " What man of you, having a hundred sheep, if he lost one of them, does not leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the one that is lost until he finds it? And when he has found it, he lays it on his shoulders rejoicing. And when he comes home, he calls together his friends and neighbors, saying to them, 'Rejoice with me for I have found my sheep that was lost'. Just so, I tell you there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who need no repentance." Whoa. God is out there looking for His lost sheep to bring them home to His Kingdom. I give up looking for my car keys*3 minutes into the search and I really need those for life to be right. God doesn't need us, but He loves us SOOOO much that He NEVER STOPS LOOKING. I love Him so much that I never stop seeking Him, Jesus showed me everything I truly need for life to be right and it is all written down in one place, a true instruction manual on life, The Holy Bible. And ready for the BAM! moment; this is why when I face change now, I embrace it. It still might fit funky, but I know that God is up to something, the Holy Spirit tells me, "Just wait it out" and I do as gracefully as a former buggy girl can. Why? Because my Savior told me this juicy, little tidbit; "Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the Glory of God?" John 11:40. BAM. Meditate on that for a minute. Let it sink in, hold so, so, sooooo still and then let God shed off whatever it is you need to outgrow, without fear. Let God do His thing. Even though it would be really awesome to see a little exoskeleton to prove that you're busting out of something, just believe His promise and take that walk in faith. Look to Him for that promise of Glory and it will be revealed in a way that only the growth that preceded could have prepared you for. Okay, the more I think about it, an exoskeleton of a human would just be weird, but it served dramatic purposes.

I think about that time I spent as a lost sheep. It's like looking at someone else's life. Seriously. I see pain, a desperate need for acceptance and love, but still a beautiful spirit that needed just the right love. Jesus bathed me with His radiant love, that life in darkness is forever behind me. What I still can't fathom is how little emotion I have attached to it anymore. I'm grateful for it and understand that without those challenges, I wouldn't be equipped to do what the Lord is calling me to do now and I'm getting closer to it every, single second. Praise God! I now know what it means to live. My testimony is now my exoskeleton, I show it to others so they can see how Jesus busted me out. Lookout or I will start climbing trees and singing all night long. Just one more amazing way God shows His love.

Recently I was asked to do a "cardboard testimony". One word to describe what life was like before I found Christ (or He found me) and one word to describe what life is like now. I can't wait to reveal that to all of you at the right time, but I'm curious to know if you'll share yours? If you haven't found Christ yet, what do you think your life is like in comparison to those who have? I'll leave you with this, what do you have to lose?

Love Never Ends.

Father God,  I thank you for never giving up on you search for this lost sheep, even when I didn't think I was worthy of being found. Please use me to guide others towards You, let me reflect the love and mercy that You have shown me so other lost sheep will see Your light to find their way home. In Your Holy Name, Amen. 

*Side note, when I do find my car keys, I tell everyone I know about my small victory to prove that I am not, in fact, bat-poop crazy or approaching it. Yet. This is why I keep writing; if just one of you finds a bright spot in your day by me telling of the Victory in Christ, I praise God.

Funk, Faith and Forgiveness.

I'm just going to come out and say it, I'm in a funk. And I can funk with the funkiest, James Brown ain't got nothing on me. What's so neato is that this isn't my usual funk. This is a very contemplative, cut to the quick, self-emptying, non-pity party having, put-on-your-big-girl-pants kind of jam. I'm in super-serious, don't have a lot to say territory and THAT, my friends, is why I am writing this now. I sense that my time out is over and I learned my lesson, time to apply it. Who put me in time out? My Heavenly Father.

Here's a little transparency from me, a little backstory for anyone who's paying attention and doesn't really know the meat and potatoes of who I was pre Gospel Girl. My childhood was weird. My parents, who I will refer to as "Mom" and "Pop" to protect the innocent, were just a couple of hippies who met in the 70's got married, started a family and then imploded amidst sex, drugs and rock and roll. I got shuffled around a lot, saw things no little girl should've seen and had a huge, gaping hole in me that just wanted a whole bunch of love from my parents, Carol and Mike Brady style. God love them (and He really does), my parents just liked to have fun and didn't like consequences, responsibility or dealing with the real world. I can't tell you how many people I stayed with growing up, how many different schools I went to or how many times I found myself substituting my reality with whatever book I could get my hands on. I had a huge extended family who looked out for me and my fair share of guardian angels (one who I know had a set of wings on his wheelchair, here on Earth. Rest in Peace Daddy Jeff), otherwise I can assure you I wouldn't be here pecking the keys right now. My Mom stayed fairly present, but with a crippling bi-polar disorder and a couple of other personality disorders, alcoholism and a Skittles variety of medications all mixed together, I was often the parent in the relationship. The one who would take the keys, hide the beer, call the cops when things got rowdy and call to get the lights put back on when they'd been shut off due to months of non-payment. My Mom is a beautiful woman with a damaged mind. I truly do not think she was made for this world, her mind is that delicate. She did teach me how to love though, unconditionally. I've never known someone who I could feel so many things for all at once as my Mom. Mama, if you're reading this, I love you, you know all is forgiven. My Pop on the other hand, now that was all frustration, a girl can only sit on the front porch, stand outside of school, wait on the curb for someone so many times without them showing up before they dig a moat, fill it with alligators, build walls of flaming brick and mortar and top it with diamond-cut barbed wire that wraps around the very tower they're hiding in. Pop, if you're reading this you know I love you and all is forgiven. Now imagine trying to convince me that I have a Heavenly Father who loves, protects, adores, seeks and forgives me. Yeah, I think I mentioned mule headed and misguided in a previous post. It took a minute to grasp that concept and by minute I mean my entire life. I truly turn my face up in awe at God and the relationship we have. Okay, whoa, hang on before I go full mush, let me explain how my funk started.



How many of you have ever let someone else's opinion/rudeness/rejection/criticism make you feel like crap? Mmmhhmm. It hurts, doesn't it? The closer that person is, the more it hurts. That is because we have an undeniably continuous desire to be loved and accepted. Crazier than that, we expect everyone to treat us with Grace while we expect them to be the finished product. Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong. So to sum it up, we accept the wrong kind of love instead of giving the right kind of love. Or we love when it is easy to love, when we know it will be reciprocated and it is (altogether now) accepted. And this kind of love is poison. It is toxic and not only does it stunt our growth, it stunts our FAITH. In fact, any kind of "love" that separates us from God is toxic and to just put it in your face, if you're looking to anyone walking on two feet or even four to love you and (thank you Jerry Maguire for decades of dysfunction) complete you, you have it all wrong. It is called false idolatry and that, my friends is a sin. You will never find what you want, let alone what only God knows what you need. Take it from a girl who looked in all the wrong places to fill that void, who would crumble at the hint of rejection. If there is a part of you that can't function without the approval or admiration of those around you, if there is a part of you that is terrified of being alone and will allow anyone to use your heart as a scratching post for their loneliness, stop. Take a look in the mirror and repeat after me, "I am a child of the King of Kings, I deserve nothing less than God's best!!" Sweets, THAT is the truth. That is the truth that will set you free from whatever bondage your heart is in. Easier said than done? "My Grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness" 2 Corinthians 12:9. Weakness. Whatever it is that messes you up every flipping time you think you're over it and causes your life to tailspin. We all have one. What is yours? Define it. Write it down. Comment it below. I don't care how you do it, just acknowledge it and then humor me; thank God for it. That is the exact reason you need Him. Did you know that He also provides a simple way to start getting over it? Totally. Jesus said, "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." Matthew 7:7 These are HIS words, Jesus said this to us!!!God in the flesh gave us such an easy route to His Grace that it almost seems inconceivable! (Princess Bride voice is a must here). You ever had a hot date and couldn't wait for that knock on the door because this could be the life defining moment of finding your one, true love?! Jesus is sitting on the other side of that door, sister (brothers too) and you can't even imagine how much He wants that opportunity to be your one, true love. He is waiting on that knock, for you to bust the door down looking for Him! He wants to show you that everything you ever wanted exists in His loving arms. You will never, ever, ever, ever find it in whatever you are trying to cram in that void to bury the weakness, to cover the pain. Not in work, food, drugs, alcohol, sex, money, fame, pity, football (not even Alabama football), or each other. How can you know it works? I wouldn't be typing this right now and thinking about my hot date with Jesus tonight (Bible Study! Hebrews is so cool!!) if it didn't. Knock. Ask. Seek. Now, since I got that out and am not feeling so funky anymore let me share with you what I learned in my time out.


I'm an apt pupil, I absorb information at an alarming rate. I always have and often times I overlook some important details because of this, but The Gospel of Jesus Christ, I know to be truth. I read something on June 2nd of this very year that captivated me, held me to where I was and gave me the power to make choices in my life that I never imagined myself being strong enough to make. It was my very literal, step out of the boat. "Follow me, Jesus said to him and Levi got up, left everything and followed him." Luke 5:27-28. Peter, Andrew, Levi, James, John. They all just got up and left everything they knew behind them and followed Jesus. Its a subtle yet consistent theme in the Gospels, to just leave whatever mattered to them to follow Jesus. No big deal, see ya on the flip side. And I had this radical thought; what if I do this too? Something in my heart said, do it. Thanks to The Holy Spirit on that one. My way was broken, it wasn't working. What if I just put it all down and followed Jesus? All I can tell you is that nothing is the same once you do. What I learned, in my funk, is that even though I thought I had left it all behind, I was mistaken. I have been holding on to one last notion; that I THINK I know what kind of love I deserve. My loving Father is showing me in a quiet display of the "protective Daddy" that He wants me to have the kind of love He KNOWS I deserve. I'm listening. I'm listening so hard that while watching Doc McStuffins with my 4 year old, I thought they said "Be quiet and listen for God's instructions" instead of Doc's instructions. Regardless, I got the message (and a strange look from said 4 year old when I yelled "Amen!!" at the television). I asked and it is being given to me. I've never known what it was like to have that protective Father, but now I do. You'll find it too, just knock. Ask. Seek. More importantly, listen. Notice a theme in my posts? We can all learn a thing or two thousand by just humbling our hearts to listen.


By the way, I love my family.


Love Always Protects

Veruca Salt of the Earth

I started writing a new blog post Saturday morning, but the words just wouldn't come out. I prayed and as I tried to work amidst the pleadings of a 4 year old with a seemingly bottomless abyss of a stomach and my step-dog trying to burglar a loaf of bread off of my kitchen counter, I realized that it just wasn't the right time (we will revisit Cami and her wayward antics of breaking and entering some other time, there is a lot of Christ-like love to be had when it comes to living with toddlers and black labs, trust me on this). Anyhow, back to trying to write this; there is one thing that I can't do. Pretend. I am horribly, terribly, stinking bad at it.  I could've posted a bunch of fluff and wit just to put some substance out there, but when you're a true Gospel Girl, The Holy Spirit will fill you with thoughts like "quality, not quantity" and "make it count". Cliché, I know, but He knows our hearts and I am a cheesy, cliché loving girl. My favorite of all time you ask? Actions speak louder than words. In scriptural terms, "Faith without works is dead"(James 2:17).

I used to have a big thing for motivational speakers, spent countless hours listening to people in hopes that one might breathe a word that made sense to me. One finally did, He spoke a promise over me, "I will heal you". The first time I ever knew without a doubt that God spoke to me was like having my soul jump started. It sparked a hunger in me that has grown to ravenous in time, but to have that moment, that defining moment where my loving Father spoke words of healing over my life; I've never received anything more precious. Here is something that we all need to understand though, God's timing is perfect. Hard to grasp in our, "app" driven society, hard to understand when our human nature is so Veruca Salt like, "I want it now". If you don't know who Veruca Salt is or have never seen Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, shame on you. Everyone needs oompa loompas in their lives, they were the original minions after all.

The day after God spoke to me, my life didn't miraculously change. No, it took years to get to the place I am in now (and I'm still growing, I hope I never stop and just bust out like a can of biscuits)and I'm not saying that it will take years for anyone else, I have seen Him turn someone's life around overnight. I was a late bloomer in my faith. Mule-headed and misguided, I am one of those who had to be brought to my knees, it is after all, the place where we find Him the easiest. Our most broken state. We just have to believe that whatever He brings us to, He will bring us through and your life is exactly as He wills. Right now. Hard to understand? Good, that means you have a brain. Let me urge you to use it for just a few more minutes and riddle me this, Where have you seen God, undeniably? What is the one thing that makes you all wide-eyed with awe and makes you wonder how such a thing ever came to pass? Whatever it is, God did that. Just saying. He will do it for you too, whatever He knows you need, have faith.

Now about those motivational speakers, I have one living in me now and I have to admit, its darn cool. To be able to tap in to the Holy Spirit and hear, "I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners" (Mark 2:17) and know that those words were meant not just for me, but for anyone reading them. Those words remind me that all of the time I spent thinking that I wasn't "good enough" to be a Christian was just the devil sitting on my shoulder, whispering doubt into my heart. He's been knocked off, by the way. "The devil will put some of you in prison to test you and you will suffer persecutions for ten days. Be faithful even to the point of death and I will give you the crown of life" (Revelation 2:10). It can get scary talking about satan, but the greatest trick he's ever tried to play is to convince the world he doesn't exist. Don't fall for that. Keep your eyes focused on things above, our Wonderful Maker is so real that even demons tremble at His name. King Jesus, sitting at the right hand of God will make our enemies his footstool (paraphrased Psalm 110:1). Don't let doubt, discouragement and disbelief keep you from God's promises, learn to hear the Holy Spirit. Read scripture daily, there is a very real and palpable power in His word. Abandon it all to Jesus, leave behind what gets in your way of hearing His loving message. Listen with intent and what you'll find is a best friend who will tell you when those pants make you look fat or when someone really isn't that into you. Okay, not literally but you will find truth. The Holy Spirit will always speak truth to you and lead you to the grace you may think you don't deserve. Accept it. You will become the salt of the Earth. Sacrificing what you want right now for what you want most will become easier than you could ever imagine. "Whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God." John 3:21

Father, thank you for your unconditional love, your never ending mercy and grace that I do not deserve. Let me be a light, use me up and let someone's heart be touched by these words today. In Your Holy Name I Pray, amen.

Love Never Fails

Boca Grande Strikes Again

So, two days ago I said I would talk about just how big God is to me. In hopes that He will become THAT big to you if He isn't already. In my usual roundabout way, I will get there.

The literal translation of "Boca Grande" is Big Mouth. I think there is a whiny song by The Smiths titled Big Mouth Strikes again and not to take away from their whole emo-before-emo-was-cool vibe, but they really nailed the hypocrisy we all have issues with. I'd like to cancel that subscription, please.

I like to think that I do what I say and say what I do, but I fall short. This morning I was reflecting on "life" things and how it seems that I let my mouth (meaning my lack of letting go and letting God) get me in a ditch with people I care about sometimes (almost always). My big mouth causes me to not follow through with something else I should be doing, something the Holy Spirit is elbowing me in the ribs to do. I learned a hard lesson yesterday. For about a week now, in one area of my life, the Good Lord has been telling me to "hush". Oh noooooooo, I just had to freak out, snatch control back from my Loving Father and spill out what was on my mind and when I say spill, think about those huge gumball machines in Old Navy filled with bouncy balls, just busting open and the chaotic smattering and ricocheting of round, rubber novelties going in every direction. That sums up the initial "spill". Sometime in between trying to avoid stepping on the glass shards I created and scooping up wayward thoughts, I stopped. I hushed. I listened. I prayed. Then I felt the Holy Spirit chide me for getting into that mess, but loving me enough to say "here's a broom, let's clean up what you did here". The words that lovingly flowed from that point on (notice the transition from chaos to order) reminded me just how big God is. He will take whatever mess we have created and bring it back to order. Even the one I created. This girl, me. One little-bitty, eensy-teensy red dot on a great big Google satellite map of the world. Why does He do this? Because His love is larger than anything we can imagine. He absolutely delights in us calling out to Him. You know that feeling you get when someone asks for help and you deliver it seamlessly or your trivia partner looks to you in despair and you actually know the answer? Multiply that by a bajillion and that is what God feels when we call out to Him for help. "Call to me and I will answer and show you great and mighty things which you do not know." Jeremiah 33:3 When we remember that Christ is alive in us and that if we get out of the way long enough, He will bring us back to our Father's love. Every. Single. Stinking. Time. We. Fail. Now if you'll go back to the top of this paragraph, you'll see that I mentioned something else I was supposed to be doing whilst in the midst of running my mouth. Here is where I failed yesterday.

My "spiritual gifts" have a top 3 list. Number one, being Faith. Yesterday I forgot to have Faith in God's will. I let my heart step in and have a tantrum of Donald Duck like proportion.  Forgive me, Father. Number two, Shepherding. I knew of a lost lamb who needed tending to and I selfishly chose to let my first failure (see above) get in the way. Forgive me, Father. My third gift is the one I wear on my sleeve, Mercy. God has shown me such tremendous mercy that it is no small coincidence that I happen to have it for others. "Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need." Hebrews 4:16 Someone's in need???? I'm on it. It's that simple of a tendency for me, but not yesterday. Forgive me, Father.

In failing in the first two ways, I forgot to show myself mercy. I surely didn't show it to others in my time of selfish need. Here's the kicker, God didn't forget His promise though. In my time of need, as selfish as it was, He covered me with love and showed His ever so gentle, ever so perfect mercy. God is so big that He picked me up from crying out on my bedroom floor in shame and tucked me in with the promise of new mercies in the morning (Lamentations 3:22-23). When I woke this morning, it was to a brand spanking new day of chances to INTENTIONALLY embrace that Christ is alive in me when it would be easier for me to wallow around and throw myself a pity party, but that's not Jesus's kind of party. He's more about fishes, loaves of bread and walking up on people in boats in the middle of a storm and scaring the bej... lights out of them. He is about forgiving us even when it is hard to forgive ourselves. Truly, Jesus is about mercy, even when it isn't deserved.  Even in His last moments before His death, He defended our ignorance and selfishness by saying "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do" Luke 23:34. God is so big that Jesus, "the radiance of the Glory of God and the exact imprint of His nature"(Hebrews 1:1-4) lives, is alive, takes hold of and loves each one of us in our most fallen states. God is so big that He puts our broken, little moments in the forefront of His heart and gives us beauty for ashes if we will just let go and let Him.

That's why it is important to know how big God is. How the very act of redeeming ourselves is something that we absolutely cannot do. We are already redeemed by Christ's sacrifice, when we accept Jesus Christ into our hearts, follow the guidance of the Holy Spirit and LET God control our lives, everything falls into place. It may not come in the package you expect, it may not look like the life you were planning, but therein lies the beauty. God has your name written on His hand already. He will give you beauty for ashes. So, heed my advice; hush your big mouths, take a moment to pray and give it to God. Or do what I did this morning when I felt the enormity of His mercy, write on your bathroom mirror "How can I serve God today?" and follow through. Let your big God strike again. I hear He only has plans to bless us.

How can you serve God today? How big is God to you?

Blessings, peace, love.

Waving A Sword In Public

Yes, I said a sword. Okay, so maybe it is really a pen. If you want to be literal, a laptop, but lets just stay focused here. Have you ever heard your Heavenly Father tell you to do something? Have the Holy Spirit grab you by the earlobe and drag you towards something because hitting you over the head with it or multiple other signs didn't get your attention? Yeah, me too. That's why I am writing this. I can trace back a trillion little things that happened to get me to where I am sitting right this second, typing frantically and hoping that I may get a few readers who will relate to my completely unpolished and free flowing style of writing. The truth is, I happened to have a day off and The Holy Spirit said, "Make a blog". See, I opened my big mouth a few too many times and stated, "give me two years". Two years for what, you ask? Two years to get out what I want to say about the Gospel of Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior. I doubt I can cover it in that amount of time, but wait a second...Did I just say doubt?? We don't use that kind of language around here. "If God is for us, who can be against us?" Romans 8:31. I'm a girl with a Sword of the Holy Spirit. I got this.

I haven't always been a Gospel Girl. I've been a selfish girl, a people-pleasing girl, a hot-tempered girl, a wild girl and often times a very irresponsible and self destructive girl. Sometimes when I look back at my life before I fell head over heels in love with Christ, I don't even recognize that girl; but I have learned to always love her. I've learned that I wouldn't be the sassy, sword-swinging sister in Christ that I am now if I hadn't been her. Jesus loves broken people and hot dog, does He love me!! So, here is what this blog will offer; my transparency, my wacky sense of humor, typos, bad grammar, lovey-dovey-mushy-God-stuff and a huge heaping of Grace. I don't care who you are, where you live, if you are a purple polka-dotted cyclops, I love you and my goal is to help you learn that God does, but even more. No matter what. It is never too late to accept this fact, it is never too late to claw your way out of what ever hole you have dug in your life and take that great, big gulp of fresh air that Jesus will provide for you. Shake your head, but please just hear me out. If the God who owns the skies, the God who created the galaxies is crazy about me and sought me out, I know He is crazy about you too and is so much closer than you think. You are exactly where you are meant to be and exactly who you are meant to be and He LOVES you like crazy, and once you turn your face towards Him, be ready. Be ready for the biggest love you've ever known, He is bigger than anything you have ever imagined. Tomorrow, we will talk about just how big God is. For now just simmer on this, "Delight yourself in the Lord" Psalm 37:4 and "He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing" Zephaniah 3:17. God delights in me and sings over me? Time to get quiet and listen...He knows I'm a closet Neil Diamond fan. Peace be with you.